The Jim Chapman/Bud Polhill Conundrum

Ola. Long time since posts but just got back from the Island of Misfit Toys. Once again, no wants wants to play with a Sonny-in-the-Box. Would you? Well, I tried. I do my bit at Christmas and that's what counts.

Just the same, I'm relieved that whole 'festive' season is over. So many expectations go along with it that it's always kind of a let-down. That's always been the case for me anyway. I think it goes back to when Santa didn't bring me the pony I asked for. After a whole year of being good. Or maybe it's because my parents didn't get me the Mustang I asked for the year I got my drivers licence. After I spent the whole year being bad.

But it was a good Christmas. Santa brought a lot more than the orange and sugar-candy I always felt grateful as a child. If the crops did well that harvest we sometimes even got a homemade pair of seer-sucker socks.

This year's loot included everything I ever wanted - the joy of my chick and children around me; being presented with a photo album of 'Sonny Drysdale: The Early Years' and the fact that Mavis didn't hit me with her purse when I mentioned in front of her minister on Christmas Day that she could give me my 'real' present later that night. Just the same, still no pony or vintage Mustang convertible (preferably a red one.)

It wasn't till the slow news days of between Christmas and New Years thought that I received the BEST Christmas present which a cynical and sarcastic Londoner could possibly hope for.

One day last week I treated myself to picking up a copy of the London Free Press - and there it was on the front page in big headlines - the news that Board of Controller Bud Polhill was considering running for Mayor in next fall's municipal election.

Bud likes to pull this little joke on the local press every civic elecion. And then, of course he never does run for Mayor. What a card! Bud ain't the brightest bulb on city council but he ain't no dummy either.

Well, maybe a ventriloquist dummy because he and local right-wing radio talk-show guy Jim Chapman seem to say the same things whenever they are together. Bud is one of the few politicians Jim will talk to on-air. That's why one of them is able to talk at the same time the other is drinking a glass of water - and no one can tell the difference.

So I got a good chuckle out of the newspaper that morning. But that wasn't anything compared to the big belly laugh I had this past Monday morning. Steve Garrison and Andy (the Moral Centre of London) Ooudman were talking on the 'Steve in the Morning Show' on CJBK-AM about the upcoming Mayor's race and was it possible for anyone to defeat long-time incumbent Mayor Anne Marie.

Bud's name never even came up but Steve mentioned that there was talk about Jim Chapman running. And Andy piped up with, "Yeah, but I notice most of the talk is coming from Jim."

Well, I tell ya, I did a spit-take right there. Lucky Charms and milk all over the kitchen. I even had milk coming out my nose. A rainbow of coloured-milk, no less.

Good one, Andy!

That morning I heard Jim on his own show on a different station. It's the only morning local talk-radio show I know of where they won't take open-line calls. Instead, listeners are treated to a lecture by The Perfessor.

Anyway, Jim was talking about the Mayor's race and trying his humble best to shrug off any suggestions that he was considering a run. But - Jim being Jim - he was also playing it coy - "No, I have no interest in running," he insisted - before adding, "Of course, in politics, never say 'never'," - which he said over and over again.

The thing is, on his show two days later, Wednesday morning, Jim got quite 'emotional' when pontificating on how city-council should give the Police Chief all the money he's asking for in his new budget.

Jim got quite worked up and upset about how the 'lefties' (that means YOU, David Winninger - and bless your heart,) on council thought the Chief should be held to the same budget restraints as every other municipally-funded organization.

It may have been the lozenge Jim was loudly sucking on the entire time he was talking, but I had the distinct impression the guy was so riled up that he was on the verge of another heart attack.

And as long-time listeners to his show already know, Jim Chapman is a first-rate drama queen (his on-air take-no-prisoners-knock-down-punch-out-no-winners a few years ago with then city-councillor Ed Corrigan was some of the BEST radio ever,) so when Jim starts getting overly emotional on the air, something's up.

And then it hit me! Smacked me right upside ma haid - hokey smokes, he's gonna do it! JIM CHAPMAN IS GONNA RUN FOR MAYOR!

And so the drama begins.

So let me say this before Andy Ooudman (or any of those mean editors at the London Free Press who no longer carry Jim's opinion column,) point this out - Jim, you have run for office twice in the past. Once for City Council - and were defeated by Megan Walker (and yet you insisted on a recount,) and again recently when you were defeated by Liberal Khalil Ramil when you ran for provincial government with Ontario's Conservative party.

On the basis of those failed popularity contests, it seems pretty obvious - despite what your radio promos may say - Londoners have said in no uncertain terms that NO, they do NOT consider you to be 'The Voice of London.' They've said it twice. And may do so again soon via the radio industry's BBM ratings.

As for being the 'Talk of the Town,' as someone has already noted, that can usually be traced to one same source.

If you are any kind of 'real' friend to Bud Polhill, please put your collective heads together and give them a shake.

And that's no bushwah.

No, that's pure bullshit. Because there's nothing that would give me bigger laughs than you two running for the office of Mayor at the same time. Against an apparently unbeatable opponent.

C'mon - please don't let us suffer through another boring Mayoral election again. After all these years, you owe us. Put the $125,000 it takes to mount a good campaign where your mouth is.