Trade Fair about Sex comes again.

*** NOTE *** the painting above is from the 'Housewife' series by artist J.T. Winik. Her work can be easily found on the web. I include this image, not because it has anything to do with this week's topic. But just because it's my idea of erotic.

SEX.

Now that we have your attention (ha-ha,) let's talk about sex.

That's one topic you just can't talk enough about - especially if you live in London, Ontario and a trade fair entitled 'The Everything to Do With Sex Show' is surprisingly returning to the Western Fair Grounds this weekend - October 2 - 4.

Last fall, the show had tongues wagging on the open-line radio programs and in the Letters to the Editor section of the London Free Press. Naturally, the usual self-appointed Guardians of Morality were up in arms about it. The most vocal critic was Me-agin Walker, executive director of the London Abused Womens' Centre. Of course, Walker didn't attend the show herself and the majority of other complainers were equally uninformed.

Well, it just so happens that *I* did attend. Not because of any real interest or curiosity about sex. After about 33 or 35 years of marriage, there probably isn't anything about the missionary position that I don't already know.

No, me and me missus attended because it was a trade show at Western Fair. When you are middle-aged, that's what you do on the weekend. There's barely one goes by that me and Mavis aren't down to the fairgrounds for a Home & Gardens Show, Mature 50-Plus Lifestyles fair, recreational vehicles, Travel or hot-tub exhibition. This year's sex fair is located right next door to the London Anti-Aging Show. And the first home game of the season by the London Roller Derby Girls. BONUS!

So last year, we headed down there if only to check out the newest trade show to come to town. Can't say I was personally offended by anything I saw. I'm no prude and pretty open-minded and sophisticated when it comes to what two consenting adults want to do 'down there.'

And overall, the whole event was kind of fun. Like any trade show, it's like one big infomercial. Think of it as a visit to an adult-entertainment and novelty shop - only a lot bigger. And like any other trade show, there's a lot of the same. I don't khow about you, but I can only look at so many dildos before I fade out and start longing for a walk through a new motor-home or hear a seminar on RRSPs for Seniors.

But there was lots of variety. Mavis checked out a lingerie fashion show. I sat in on a seminar on Tantric sex, but got bored after four minutes and was left. I almost wandered into the 'Dungeon Room,' but realized I had already seem most of that stuff on the late-night 'Kink' TV-show on Showcase. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. Even if it means the woman on top.

We watched a bit of a nude body-painting demonstration. This being London, Ontario - even though thanks to the efforts of Gwen Jacobs a decade ago, it's perfectly legal for women to walk down the street topless, here the female models had to have their nipples covered with those pasty things that the dancers wore in burlesque half a century ago. I don't think that would happen if the show was in Toronto. Or Boston, for that matter.

There were some educational seminars on using sensitivity and fantasy-play as a way of putting the spark back in your romance. I don't need any help in that department. My fantasies are always the same - long walks on the beach in the rain, champagne in front of a fireplace afterwards, at least two twenty-year-old blonde big-breasted nymphomaniacs, a midget and the New York Times cross-word puzzle.

We didn't buy anything. We're not really into 'toys' and as for the selection of soft-core adult videos aimed at couples, those things have always struck me as a form of foreplay for lazy people lacking in imagination and don't want to make an effort.

Just the same, turns out the show was well worth the price of admission. When we got home, we wasted no time 'reaffirming our vows.' If you know what I mean.