Things I've Learned from EBAY
Just did a 'search' on my favorite website - and I still haven't found the 'perfect' pair of saddle shoes to fit my big feet.
Do you know what they say about us guys blessed with big feet?
Well, I won't even go there.
The last thing I want is for this blog to become a place where people talk incessantly about their feet. I live in London, Ont. after all, so I hear that all time in the line-up at the supermarket, or when I go to see a motion-picture or when I'm waiting for the subway. If you want to hear people blabber on and on about their bunions or toe-nail fungus, then this is your town.
And Lord knows I don't want this to become a blog where people brag about the length of their big toe. Or about having an arched heel. Or a pedestrian soul. Or about how they're a superior person just because the toe next to their big toe (technically known as "this little piggie stayed home,") is longer than their big toe.
Because personally, altho I, more than anyone, can relate to staying home, I'd much rather be the little piggie who went to market. And thank the Lord, but I've never been the type to go "wee wee wee all the way home."
But back to the task at hand - get this, last night as I'm logging in to my favorite website, Mavis says to me, "But Sonny, you're too old to wear saddle shoes."
Pardon my redundancy, but I shall repeat that - Sonny, you are TOO OLD for SADDLE SHOES. Period. Followed by !!!
Well, let me tell you what I said about that!
Well, I'm still pretty riled up so I don't even remember the actual words but I'm darned sure they were something like "You are absolutely right, dear." Consarnit.
So I did the my usual Ebay searches - and got the usual results - five items for Louis Nye, ten for Disney 'Twistables,'
and nothing under 'Tom McKenzie.' And narrowing the 'Tom' search down, no gold when I looked for "inwardly, downwardly, deeper and deeper, forever, forever and forever our souls entwined together ..."
Altho the latter did give me a link to the movie 'The Seven-Year Itch.' Sounds like a good flick. I might just rent it some night for me and Mabel to watch on 'date night.' If you know what I mean.
But here's what I found on my adventure as I searched thru the jungles of Ebay-land. And I'm happy to report that, if Ebay is any indication, as a civilization, this ol' planet Earth is on a good course. Morally speaking.
... and the results are (as of Sunday morning,) if you type in ____ you get ____ as the number of items posted.
As in -
'hate' - 963.
'sex' - 7,658
'penis' - 1,878
'vagina' - 72
'Tom McKenzie' - 0
'sex' - 7,658
'the Beatles' - 12,207
'Elvis' - 13,654
'God' - 8,437
'Hitler' - 1,369
'Charlie Manson' - 1
... based on the last item alone, as a culture appropriate and PG-approved and tolerant for ALL the universe, (even those reptilian shit-heads on Mars,) you know, I think we're going to be just fine.
- thank you very much.
POST SCRIPT (a.k.a. 'p.s.') - I just went on a search for 'Love', and got 59,026 items listed. ... Unfortunately, half of them seem to have something to do with song titles from my good friend Ringo Star's latest CD.
But that's still pretty good.
And a documented fact that as a species, there IS hope for us after all. It proves that the Beatles, John Lennon and all of the above, are not more popular than the glue which holds us all togther.
But enough about me - what Ebay items are YOU kids searching for? ... And please, don't tell me that it's original vinyl recordings of that Humperdink guy singing 'Quando Quando Quando.'... Or Modest Mouse.
Do you know what they say about us guys blessed with big feet?
Well, I won't even go there.
The last thing I want is for this blog to become a place where people talk incessantly about their feet. I live in London, Ont. after all, so I hear that all time in the line-up at the supermarket, or when I go to see a motion-picture or when I'm waiting for the subway. If you want to hear people blabber on and on about their bunions or toe-nail fungus, then this is your town.
And Lord knows I don't want this to become a blog where people brag about the length of their big toe. Or about having an arched heel. Or a pedestrian soul. Or about how they're a superior person just because the toe next to their big toe (technically known as "this little piggie stayed home,") is longer than their big toe.
Because personally, altho I, more than anyone, can relate to staying home, I'd much rather be the little piggie who went to market. And thank the Lord, but I've never been the type to go "wee wee wee all the way home."
But back to the task at hand - get this, last night as I'm logging in to my favorite website, Mavis says to me, "But Sonny, you're too old to wear saddle shoes."
Pardon my redundancy, but I shall repeat that - Sonny, you are TOO OLD for SADDLE SHOES. Period. Followed by !!!
Well, let me tell you what I said about that!
Well, I'm still pretty riled up so I don't even remember the actual words but I'm darned sure they were something like "You are absolutely right, dear." Consarnit.
So I did the my usual Ebay searches - and got the usual results - five items for Louis Nye, ten for Disney 'Twistables,'
and nothing under 'Tom McKenzie.' And narrowing the 'Tom' search down, no gold when I looked for "inwardly, downwardly, deeper and deeper, forever, forever and forever our souls entwined together ..."
Altho the latter did give me a link to the movie 'The Seven-Year Itch.' Sounds like a good flick. I might just rent it some night for me and Mabel to watch on 'date night.' If you know what I mean.
But here's what I found on my adventure as I searched thru the jungles of Ebay-land. And I'm happy to report that, if Ebay is any indication, as a civilization, this ol' planet Earth is on a good course. Morally speaking.
... and the results are (as of Sunday morning,) if you type in ____ you get ____ as the number of items posted.
As in -
'hate' - 963.
'sex' - 7,658
'penis' - 1,878
'vagina' - 72
'Tom McKenzie' - 0
'sex' - 7,658
'the Beatles' - 12,207
'Elvis' - 13,654
'God' - 8,437
'Hitler' - 1,369
'Charlie Manson' - 1
... based on the last item alone, as a culture appropriate and PG-approved and tolerant for ALL the universe, (even those reptilian shit-heads on Mars,) you know, I think we're going to be just fine.
- thank you very much.
POST SCRIPT (a.k.a. 'p.s.') - I just went on a search for 'Love', and got 59,026 items listed. ... Unfortunately, half of them seem to have something to do with song titles from my good friend Ringo Star's latest CD.
But that's still pretty good.
And a documented fact that as a species, there IS hope for us after all. It proves that the Beatles, John Lennon and all of the above, are not more popular than the glue which holds us all togther.
But enough about me - what Ebay items are YOU kids searching for? ... And please, don't tell me that it's original vinyl recordings of that Humperdink guy singing 'Quando Quando Quando.'... Or Modest Mouse.
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 4:15 AM
14 Comments:
I once dated this guy who had a pinochitoe.
It was so freaky looking, it scared me.
He was a real nice guy, but I knew something was off when we went to the beach and he wouldn't take his shoes off.
I kept telling him to come in the water, and he wouldn't. I thought perhaps he couldn't swim and didn't want to tell me he was afraid of the water.
I didn't want to seem intrusive, which I usually am. I just let it slide.
...until, the next time we went to the beach. It was his idea, to go down for the day to Port Bruce. So away we went. I love the water and jumped out of the car and jumped right in.
About five minutes later he is in the water, swimming up a storm. I was laughing and told him I thought he couldn't swim and that is why he didn't come in last time.
He looks at me, very intense like, and says no that is not the reason he didn't come in last time.
We get out of the water and set on the beach. I look down at his feet, and he has a pair of those beach shoes on. You know the ones I am talking about, they come in every colour of the rainbow, and are worn by many four year olds.
Me being a hillbilly,I start to tease him about the aqua fin swim boots. They just look so damn funny on adults, too star trekie for the beach. Only nerds where that stuff. He wasn't a nerd.
He says you think these are odd, I have something to show you, but you promise you won't laugh.
I said I can't promise. Things have a tendency to make me laugh, when others are not.
He proceeds to take off his aqua fin. Only one thank god. I know my eyes popped out of my head. There was a reason this little piggie stayed home. I swear it was the longest freak toe I have seen in my life. It should have been in a book somewhere.
I just screamed "pinochitoe", and I started laughing hysterically.
He started laughing too, which was good, and we made jokes about his toe all day.
Never thought of him for a long time until you mentioned the feet.
Honey Pot - that was beast-with-two-backs' great!
Now, tell me - why don't you have your own blog?
I'll visit.
And I'm sure that the five semi- regulars who come here will to.
Especially our mutual friend Butch.
He's actually an okay guy, if you can get past his obsession with baloney. Or bologna.
There are lines you don't cross. Butch crossed those lines.
I really am more of a bitcher and complainer, I prefer other people's blogs.
Was that a hint for me not to tell my tales?
Oh dear - Honey Pot, I LOVE your tales.
Please, do not go elsewhere.
It was a beautiful story. I just thought it should be shared with a bigger audience.
I still remember what you wrote a couple of years ago about having beers with some veterans on Remembrance Day after the parade.
You're a fine writer dearie, so don't go away.
Honey Pot, you ol' bitch. You've crossed so many lines in pissing people off with false accusations, outrageous insults against classes of people/ religious/ ethnic groups and brain-dead stereotyping that you're in a bottom-feeding class of your own.
What you can't handle is being told the truth about it.
You should have stayed with that guy with the big toe. The two of you could have created a circus act to take on the road.
Thank you Sonny, coming from you, that means something.
I love your stuff
WIND WARNING FROM THE CITY OF LONDON
Environment Canada has issued a winter storm Wind Warning for Southwestern Ontario and the City is asking residents to be prepared for the conditions and take care driving.
The storm is expected to reach London early in the morning hours of Wednesday, and continue throughout most of the day. These strong winds will bring with them significantly lower temperatures, blowing snow and the possibility of a flash freeze. They could also potentially result in downed tree limbs and power lines.
City crews are on standby and will be out in full force to keep the streets safe. Motorists are advised to exercise caution when driving as conditions may change quickly in the early morning. Updates will be provided as necessary.
Be alert and stay safe.
Sonny, here is some interesting information about that little piggie stayed home toe. It is known as the Caesar toe. Caesar would only let people sit in his court if their little piggie stayed home toe, was longer than the one that went to the market.
I was going to say that I always wanted to be the little piggie who ate roast beef, but you guys went an entirely different direction, and now it just feels dirty.
David - could be worse. How about the little piggie who had none.
In a not-too different direction tho - have you seen the Disney short from the mid-40s in which those pigs actually are eating roast beef?
Years before Mad Cow disease too.
But that's Uncle Walt for you. Man, that guy had vision.
With my modern sensibilities, watching those pigs go to town on beef is almost nauseating. But I have a bunch of old toons and love watching them almost as much as my Hopalong Cassidy movies.
Sadly, I now fear to show my daughter said toons for fear that the overt violence would corrupt her as they did m...wait a tic...I'm fine. ..Cartoon marathon at my house!
Great - I know that K.Dork has some vintage '30s 'Itchy & Scratchy' he can bring along.
And I got some 'Clyde Crashcup' if you are up for it.
It's on Sonny. With what shall I stock the bar?
I'm not much of a drinker - but whatever goes good with 'Bullwinkle's Corner.'
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