Top Local News Story of 2008
Building upon the goodwill of Londoners, City Council has launched a new promotional scheme to spread the word and bring tourists and potential tax-payers to town.
The "Hey, Sailor" program was adopted after last year's 'Ambassador' program crashed and burned upon take-off when it became apparent that it was nothing more than a cash-grab by an ad-hoc committee of the same self-appointed wealthy hot-shots and muckety-mucks usually seen on the 'About Town' page of the London Free Press.
Newly-elected Mayor Paul Van Meervergen admits that the Ambassador program was doomed the moment it came to City Council in late 2007 with the request of an 'emergency' $30,000 grant for operating expenses and the expectation of an annual city-funded budget of $500,000.
"Quite frankly, considering that the Ambassador program was initially supposed to be a word-of-mouth advertising concept, the $500,000 seemed a bit high," says the new mayor dubbed 'Van the Man' by his supporters.
"Heck, how many brochures and promotional videos do you actually get for half a million bucks per year," he asked. "In fact, why should it cost ANYTHING for Londoners to tell others what a great place we live in when they happen to be on vacation or attending an out-of-town convention?"
Within city-hall circles, it is widely assumed that the 'Hey, Sailor' program is the brainchild of newly-appointed city-manager Butch ('100 per-cent') McLarty.
However, McLarty is making no claims to the program's conception. "What we are doing with 'Hey, Sailor' is simply building on the success of our last big promotional scheme - the 'We're London and We're All Mixed Up!' campaign from the early 1990s. My ol' pal Morris Dalla Costa came up with that beaut. Who says sports writers can't be poets too?"
Deputy-Mayor Cheryl Miller points out that although the Mixed-Up program brought plenty of diversity to the area, it failed to bring in enough of the "right" kind of diversity. "Unfortunately, even though it attracted lots of different ethnic and religious groups - most of them arrived here without having lined up a job or depositing a downpayment on a house in one of our new subdivisions."
"Quite frankly, we were hoping for a more wealthy kind of newcomer - and that's where the 'Hey, Sailor' program comes in! Let's face it, in today's economy, citizens of London have to be more than just ambassadors or cheerleaders - and that's why we're pimping our community and letting the world know what they can get here. New in town? Looking for a good time? Then look us up.
"This will not only attract tourists but also businesses who may want to locate here. We're extending the Glad-hand. We have to let them know that the Forest City gives more than just branch jobs."
'Hey, Sailor' is a promotional program gaining much success throughout North America and is owned by a consulting group named 'Pimp My Town' which operates out of Pahrumph, Nevada.
Funding a branch office to be built in the 'Old West' section of London, City Council has approved a $350,000 annual budget for the program.
City-manager McLarty says, "Not only will this pay the salary of a top-flight program administrator, my wife Betty - who has a degree in home economics, I might add - but will also go a long way towards the cost of printing for promotional brochures. And maybe making some videos we could put up on YouTube."
A one-time fee of $300,000 is charged by Pimp My Town to any participating municipalities for the right to use their time-tested slogan templates.
McLarty says that for London, this will include such fancy come-ons as, "Hey, We're London and we do MORE than just suck!"
The "Hey, Sailor" program was adopted after last year's 'Ambassador' program crashed and burned upon take-off when it became apparent that it was nothing more than a cash-grab by an ad-hoc committee of the same self-appointed wealthy hot-shots and muckety-mucks usually seen on the 'About Town' page of the London Free Press.
Newly-elected Mayor Paul Van Meervergen admits that the Ambassador program was doomed the moment it came to City Council in late 2007 with the request of an 'emergency' $30,000 grant for operating expenses and the expectation of an annual city-funded budget of $500,000.
"Quite frankly, considering that the Ambassador program was initially supposed to be a word-of-mouth advertising concept, the $500,000 seemed a bit high," says the new mayor dubbed 'Van the Man' by his supporters.
"Heck, how many brochures and promotional videos do you actually get for half a million bucks per year," he asked. "In fact, why should it cost ANYTHING for Londoners to tell others what a great place we live in when they happen to be on vacation or attending an out-of-town convention?"
Within city-hall circles, it is widely assumed that the 'Hey, Sailor' program is the brainchild of newly-appointed city-manager Butch ('100 per-cent') McLarty.
However, McLarty is making no claims to the program's conception. "What we are doing with 'Hey, Sailor' is simply building on the success of our last big promotional scheme - the 'We're London and We're All Mixed Up!' campaign from the early 1990s. My ol' pal Morris Dalla Costa came up with that beaut. Who says sports writers can't be poets too?"
Deputy-Mayor Cheryl Miller points out that although the Mixed-Up program brought plenty of diversity to the area, it failed to bring in enough of the "right" kind of diversity. "Unfortunately, even though it attracted lots of different ethnic and religious groups - most of them arrived here without having lined up a job or depositing a downpayment on a house in one of our new subdivisions."
"Quite frankly, we were hoping for a more wealthy kind of newcomer - and that's where the 'Hey, Sailor' program comes in! Let's face it, in today's economy, citizens of London have to be more than just ambassadors or cheerleaders - and that's why we're pimping our community and letting the world know what they can get here. New in town? Looking for a good time? Then look us up.
"This will not only attract tourists but also businesses who may want to locate here. We're extending the Glad-hand. We have to let them know that the Forest City gives more than just branch jobs."
'Hey, Sailor' is a promotional program gaining much success throughout North America and is owned by a consulting group named 'Pimp My Town' which operates out of Pahrumph, Nevada.
Funding a branch office to be built in the 'Old West' section of London, City Council has approved a $350,000 annual budget for the program.
City-manager McLarty says, "Not only will this pay the salary of a top-flight program administrator, my wife Betty - who has a degree in home economics, I might add - but will also go a long way towards the cost of printing for promotional brochures. And maybe making some videos we could put up on YouTube."
A one-time fee of $300,000 is charged by Pimp My Town to any participating municipalities for the right to use their time-tested slogan templates.
McLarty says that for London, this will include such fancy come-ons as, "Hey, We're London and we do MORE than just suck!"
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 4:41 AM
16 Comments:
Ooooh, daddio, you are so righteous.
London can suck and blow at the same time.
And Betty can play poker while doing both.
Just noticed that there's several videos of Wally Cox on YouTube.
Neat stuff.
Latest one I've found is one of Wally yodeling:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk9siDUjEvg
Thanks for hipping me to that, dude.
Without even checking, I bet ol' Wall is yodelling 'Tavern in the Town.' The cat was great at that two-part harmony of the 'oh-yo-o-laidee-hoo' variety.
Now, that was an example of Swiss Alps yodelling - but he was just as adept at the more familiar 'cowboy' style of yodelling which has its origins down Texas way.
From the alpine heights of the snow-capped mountains of Switzerland to dry, flat plains of the American southwest.
Odd contrasts now that you think of it. But that's Wally Cox for you. You know, I wish someone would right a book about this stuff.
Incidently - thanks for posting the 'Away in the Manger' music video of Ange & Kitten (or was she named 'Princess'?) on Altlondon.org - taken from my fave Christmas sitcom-episode ever. That scene always makes me cry.
That Andy Griffith plucks one mean gee-tar. And did you ever see a better cameo appearance as Santa than when Don Knotts shows up in the last seconds of that tune?
And did you notice that by singing that particular song, they actually mention the Christ Child?
That would never happen today on TV.
happy holidays to you, Butch. And good luck in the new year to you and Betty both with your new jobs.
Wow - thanks Barb!
I've always wondered how I can make a fortune just by placing small classified ads!
I fully and fully embrace this new "Hey Sailor' program for London. It may be hard for some Londoners to swallow, but that's what separates us from a real big city. If we put our hand to it and get the job done, we'll have new comers to London like never before.
I like the thrust of your arguement Kid.
I wish you guys would just stop beating around the bush and spit out what you're really aiming for here. It's so hard to understand the nunaced give-and-take of your ideas.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Crazy - I think Don LePre, owner of Pimp My Town put it best when he said - "It's not the size of your downtown but the _____ of your mall."
Damn, I always screw up the punch-line.
Geez, talk about pulling a boner.
Such penetrating, piston-like logic and rationale never fails to drill down to the bare essentials of the situation.
The Ambassador Program is a failure. I just spent two (2) hours walking around Oakridge and not once did I hear anyone mumble "Hey sailor". I even spent time on the CN tracks that cross Oxford St. Nary a whisper or a whistle. If a stunning young buck like me cannot attract the attention of the local bawdy house employees, what hope do we have of getting money out of the Belmont boys who come catting around every Tuesday night? Slim and none.
The just aren't used to the good cologne in Old West.
Try it again using Hai Karate.
Sonny, good one.
Have a happy new year!
Hai Karaté. Of course. I always miss the little touches. Thanks Sonny.
David, if Hai Karate behind the ears doesn't do the trick, try gargling with:
(a) Aqua Velva or
(b) Mennen Skin Bracer
Personally, I'm an Aqua Velva Man when I'm on a bender as the stuff helps to restore my appetite so I can ease into detox with minimal hallucinations.
Wow, that's a coincidence, Butch. I was reading on another blog recently where Honey Pot was recommending the kick of Listerine.
You two kids do have a lot in common.
Thanks Butch. It's good to have mentors.
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