They Say the Darnedest Things

Teenagers. The things they come up with. Their excuses for missing school. And not cleaning their room. Why Colbert is funnier than John Daily. Why 'American Idol' sucks. I tell ya, sometimes it's like living with someone from another planet. I can't tell what they're even talking about half the time.

They have their own language. And then there's their slang. Seems like every day they come up with a new term for 'cool.' And just like the original, they use the opposite. If something is really 'hot,' now it's described as 'dirty.' As of last week, that was the most current adjective for describing something 'straight from the fridge.'

Over the last few years I've heard a lot of variations on this expression for something awesome - from 'Keen-a-roo' to 'Keen-a-rooni' to 'phat' to 'toasted' to 'steeped.'

But such things have a short life-span. In the brief period of time from the first day of school last week to this weekend, 'dirty' has been replaced by a new term for cool - 'gay.'

Tis true. As the late-night manager for our local McDonalds, I pick up things from the high-school part-time help. Just last week, I heard a couple of the girls talking about the latest hair-style of one of their co-workers. "Have you seen it?!? It is sooooo gay!" Then the other day as I exited the staff room, I couldn't help but overhear a couple of the boys admiring my new seersucker socks - "Are those gay, or what?!"

But like anything involving the young people, there's always the potential for trouble. It's just a matter of time before someone gets their eye poked out. Sure, it's all fine and dandy to call everything you like 'gay,' but not everyone is as hep as I am when dealing with the adolescent vocabulary.

Example - the other day, a dear friend of mine confided to me how the Facebook application for his IPod informed him that he was 'gay.'

Well, I can assure you that I reassured him right away that it was okay. And as the married father of children himself, it meant a lot. He just wasn't hip to the fact that with kids these days, being 'gay' is a compliment. It means you're cool.

For proof I related this 'Overheard in the Grocery Store' anecdote that I experienced first hand just the day before while looking for string-beans in the Produce Department at Valu-Mart.

Teen #1 (snickering) - "Look at these big red balls. Tomatoes have to be the most gay of all vegetables.!"

Teen #2 - "You idiot! The tomato is a fruit! Geez, what a fag."

... geez, what a couple of dicks.

Just the same, I remember what it was like to be young and stupid. In fact, I remember it like it was just yesterday.