Another Productive Friday Night
Spent most of yesterday on the phone giving sensitivity training to Michael Richards - best known as 'Kramer,' one of the best TV stooges of all time but now known for having the absolutely worst stand-up hecking comebacks since Andrew Dice Clay. Hmm, maybe 'comeback' isn't the right word here.
Anyway that was a bit emotionally draining so I spent the rest of the night trying to find Britney Spears' home phone number on the Internet. What the hell, she's single now, the wife and kid are going camping next weekend, I'm willing to spring for a return plane ticket for her. I figure I got a shot. It's not like she's Marilyn Monroe or anything.
And getting loaded. Well, as loaded as you can get on a drink that involves Kool-aid, that magic powder that helps people become cool.
Even invented a new drink. The drink isn't anything special. Just Kool-aid (any flavor you happen to find in the cupboard,) and Canadian champagne. Equal parts of both. Best served in a chilled glass that originally held peanut butter. But it's the name of the drink that I'm most proud of - Sex On My Office Desk With the Cleaning Lady.
Can you imagine walking into a bar, and loudly proclaiming to the bartender, "Hey old sport, I'd like to have Sex on My Office Desk With the Cleaning Lady!" Oh, I tellya, the hilarity that would ensue.
Of course it would have to be the right kind of drinking establishment to be properly appreciated. Like a sports place full of jocks. Or a lesbian bar. Location is everything. I once made the mistake of trying to be funny in the 'Chuck E. Cheeze' in Grand Bend by loudly insisting that I wanted to have Sex On the Beach. They damn near chased me halfway out of town.
Anyway that was a bit emotionally draining so I spent the rest of the night trying to find Britney Spears' home phone number on the Internet. What the hell, she's single now, the wife and kid are going camping next weekend, I'm willing to spring for a return plane ticket for her. I figure I got a shot. It's not like she's Marilyn Monroe or anything.
And getting loaded. Well, as loaded as you can get on a drink that involves Kool-aid, that magic powder that helps people become cool.
Even invented a new drink. The drink isn't anything special. Just Kool-aid (any flavor you happen to find in the cupboard,) and Canadian champagne. Equal parts of both. Best served in a chilled glass that originally held peanut butter. But it's the name of the drink that I'm most proud of - Sex On My Office Desk With the Cleaning Lady.
Can you imagine walking into a bar, and loudly proclaiming to the bartender, "Hey old sport, I'd like to have Sex on My Office Desk With the Cleaning Lady!" Oh, I tellya, the hilarity that would ensue.
Of course it would have to be the right kind of drinking establishment to be properly appreciated. Like a sports place full of jocks. Or a lesbian bar. Location is everything. I once made the mistake of trying to be funny in the 'Chuck E. Cheeze' in Grand Bend by loudly insisting that I wanted to have Sex On the Beach. They damn near chased me halfway out of town.
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 11:29 PM
8 Comments:
"Askinstool" - geez Butch, I hope you're gonna come up with more than this if you expect to join the 15-per-centers club.
Ya Pops, I dare ya to burn your copy.
I double-dog-dare ya to even hide it!
I had Sex On The Beach once, and even got change back from the fifty. So all in all, a good day.
You mean only 50 bucks?!
Geez, I gotta get out of the house more.
Sonny, thanks for delivering flyers for Megan Walker yesterday.
I tried to get Honey Pot to help you but she told me to F-off!
What a night - and they get to do it all over again next spring. Well, not everyone, of course. If you know who I mean.
Sugar Scoop, I will only be your campaign manager if you run for the Marijuana Party.
Our campaign literature will feature 12 provocative photos in a calendar of you and me smoking reefer in bed, on a motorcycle, straddling a cannon in Victoria Park and the like.
"Vote Honey Pot for president of the republic of Old East!"
Christ, just what we need. Another parachute candidate.
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