It's a Family Day Miracle!

I don't know about you but I often get depressed and sad around Family Day. Maybe it's because there's just too much build-up. After all that anticipation, nothing could realistically live up to those expectations. Or maybe it's because I never get anything good in the Secret Dalton gift exchange at work. But the bottom line is that I just don't like to be alone on Family Day.

Not much I can do about it this year though. Mavis and the Gnut will be here. And the dog. But the girls can't make it. D.J. can't come. She and her boyfriend Travis have to spend Family Day with his parents this year because they had Family Day dinner with us last time. And what with Harriet moving to Toronto a few months ago, she can't make it down. Besides, she works for one of those places that still refuses to acknowledge Family Day as a stat holiday.

Yep, it's going to be Quietsville around here this Family Day.

Not like the old days. It seems like just yesterday that we'd start the Family Day weekend off by all wearing our new Family Day bonnets to church that Sunday. Then we would spend the rest of the day watching Family Day specials on TV. 'A Charlie Brown Family Day,' 'Family Day on Walton's Mountain,' 'Bobby Hill Discovers Family Day.' All the classics.

And for supper that night, a Family Day Eve meal of boxed meats and hors' d'ouvres out of the freezer. It's all the leftover stuff from Christmas. The stuff we saved for when B-list company unexpectedly dropped in. So last night we feasted on dry garlic pork, a cheese ball, mini-vegetable spring rolls and an Oriental Party Pak. All of course supplied by the good people at M&M Meatshops. It's become a tradition. No wonder every February 17th when I make my annual visit to M&M, all the staff greet me with a hearty "Happy Family Day, Sonny!"

We sing a few Family Day carols and then it's time for the kids to go to bed early. Why? So they won't scare away the Dalton Pixie of course! Every Family Day Eve, when everyone is fast asleep, the Dalton Pixie sneaks into homes all over Ontario pick the pockets of the grown-ups and leave a present for all the good little boys and girls who have not yet reached voting age.

But that Dalton Pixie is a mischievous little imp. He only brings hot air, empty promises and useless gifts. This year, when Gnut unwrapped the present left on the kitchen table he found a can of mushrooms. Gnut doesn't like mushrooms. Won't eat them. Not even fresh ones. "Oh, that Dalton Pixie," he good-naturedly chuckled, "He's done it again!"

And on Family Day Eve, since the children have retired early, it's the perfect opportunity for Mavis and I to have our annual Family Day sex. For purposes of procreation of course. At least that's what I tell Mavis. Kind of loudly too. At some point in those almost ritualistic tumblings, I'm sure to yell out - "Must ensure the continued existance of the species! Must maintain the viablility of the family unit!" Followed by, "Ohhhh, thank you thank you thank you!"

But as satisfying as the sex is, my favorite part of the day is sitting down to a good old-fashioned traditional Family Day dinner. One with family-sized portions. Oh, I know that some families are big on homemade 'comfort' foods for this holiday - meatloaf, mac n' cheese, cabbage rolls or a nice big roast beef with roasted potatoes, onions and carrots. Sounds good. But I can eat that kind of stuff anytime. Nope, here at the Drysdale household, nothing says home-cookin' or 'home' and 'family' better than those three sweet, lip-smackin' little words - 'take-out from Swiss Chalet.'

But this year, I went one better. When I was in M&M yesterday, they pointed out a new product - Rotisserie chicken wings! Well, I almost shit my pants. Can you imagine that - all the flavour of Swiss Chalet without having to even go into the damn restaurant? Slowest service in town. I swear. It was worth the ten bucks a box for that alone.

And after Mother carves the Family Day bird from Swiss Chalet and I, as the eldest say the traditional Family Day Grace - "Dear Lord who art in heaven, Sonny Drysdale here ..." then we all stuff our faces and the dinner conversation is limited to the likes of "pass the M&M potato wedges please?"

The sounds of mastication can get so loud that it's a good thing I have music on to cover it up. Before we sit down, it's the same every year. Me and the Gnut good-naturedly kibbitz about what we are going to listen to first - 'An Anne Murray Traditional Family Day' or Boxnoxious' 'Family Feud Day.' I always win out though. It's my CD-player.

But it's not just the food. It's the sense of belonging one gets with Family Day. As we sit in the living room after supper, digesting our meal and contentedly basking in the glow of Mr. Television as he tells us the story of 'Family Day on the Ponderosa,' I like to reflect on the day and all the magic it has brought to us. If only, I wonder, if only we could maintain and keep the spirit of Family Day alive all year round. I know it sounds like an impossible dream - but can you imagine it? Families sitting down to eat dinner together every night? To watch television together? In the same room? To actually go to the trouble of pretending that they enjoy each other's company? Oh, I suppose I just sound like a foolish old man here. Shooting for the moon. But I like to think that maybe, just maybe it might be possible!

And with that wish, I hope that all you gentle readers out there have a Kick-Ass Happy Family Day.

And I leave you with the best of news. Just like the last Swiss Chalet french fry on the plate with just a smidgen of dipping sauce left, I've saved the best for last - I just got a telegram - and the girls ARE coming home for Family Day!

Toronto Girl called in sick to work and coincidently, Deeje's boyfriend's parents came down with the flu and are presently puking their guts out - so she and Travis can come here after all! It's a Family Day miracle!

I can't say I'm too surprised. They always make the effort to be home for Family Day. Bless them, it means so much to their mother.

But then, why wouldn't they come home? It's not like me and Mavis aren't responsible for their entire existance after all.

You know, I have a feeling that this is going to be the BEST Family Day EVER!