Man Unable to Get Laid During Earth Hour
International playboy Dwight Schmidlapdt failed to get laid yesterday during Earth Hour celebrations held at the late Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles.
"This is sure to be a sure thing," Schmidlapdt reportedly told friends on the Jet Set circuit prior to the event. "I mean, think about it - candle-light, big fireplaces - and all those bunnies running around half-naked freezing their fluffy little tails off, just hoping to warm up next to the ol' Schmidlapdter in a hot-tub. C'mon - how can it go wrong?"
According to guests, it all went wrong for Schmidlapdt shortly after his arrival at stately Hef Manor. Carrying a candle, he accidently spilled melting wax on Bono's new suede jacket.
He then fell asleep in the hot-tub listening to Al Gore tell all bunnies within groping distance how they could feel the temparature "rise" if they touched his "jet stream." When the resulting tsunami woke Schmidlapdt, he knocked his candle over which started his terry-cloth robe on fire. The resulting cold-water sprinklers considerably dampened the spirits of Gore who then ordered him out of the hot-tub - "by Presidential decree."
Schmidlapt was later seen standing next to Elizabeth May at the bar, looking deeply into her eyes and repeatedly telling her, "I hope this hour never ends."
However, Playboy bunny Yvonne Cooperman believes that Scmidlapdt officially blew it after downing his sixth Corona. "He then stationed himself outside the Bunnies' powder room and whenever one of the girls would go in or come out, he'd ask them -"Hey, who's a guy gotta fuck around here to end Global Warming?"
Cooperman reports that Schmidlapdt left empty-handed before Earth Hour was even over.
Upon arriving home, however, his hands did not remain empty for long. Four minutes and two 'Playmate of the Month' You-Tube videos later, Schmidlapdt said ten "Hail Mary"s and pledged forty carbon points to replace Bono's suede jacket.
"This is sure to be a sure thing," Schmidlapdt reportedly told friends on the Jet Set circuit prior to the event. "I mean, think about it - candle-light, big fireplaces - and all those bunnies running around half-naked freezing their fluffy little tails off, just hoping to warm up next to the ol' Schmidlapdter in a hot-tub. C'mon - how can it go wrong?"
According to guests, it all went wrong for Schmidlapdt shortly after his arrival at stately Hef Manor. Carrying a candle, he accidently spilled melting wax on Bono's new suede jacket.
He then fell asleep in the hot-tub listening to Al Gore tell all bunnies within groping distance how they could feel the temparature "rise" if they touched his "jet stream." When the resulting tsunami woke Schmidlapdt, he knocked his candle over which started his terry-cloth robe on fire. The resulting cold-water sprinklers considerably dampened the spirits of Gore who then ordered him out of the hot-tub - "by Presidential decree."
Schmidlapt was later seen standing next to Elizabeth May at the bar, looking deeply into her eyes and repeatedly telling her, "I hope this hour never ends."
However, Playboy bunny Yvonne Cooperman believes that Scmidlapdt officially blew it after downing his sixth Corona. "He then stationed himself outside the Bunnies' powder room and whenever one of the girls would go in or come out, he'd ask them -"Hey, who's a guy gotta fuck around here to end Global Warming?"
Cooperman reports that Schmidlapdt left empty-handed before Earth Hour was even over.
Upon arriving home, however, his hands did not remain empty for long. Four minutes and two 'Playmate of the Month' You-Tube videos later, Schmidlapdt said ten "Hail Mary"s and pledged forty carbon points to replace Bono's suede jacket.
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 2:28 AM
3 Comments:
For earth hour, I am going to go around and check off which one of my neighbours is a glowtard, and which ones I want to crack a beer open with this summer.
Initially I agreed with the idea that Earth Hour was just a meaningless hollow gesture.
But the closer it gets, I'm thinking that it just might be kinda fun.
Just the same, I'm still going to crank my stereo up. Up to '11.'
When is it anyway - 7 or 9 o'clock, something like that?
....you will be able to tell it is earth hour, by the sound of the breaking glass, as the stores are looted.
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