Husband Convinced Wives in League to Drive Him Crazy
"They are conspiring to slowly but surely drive me out of my mind," insists Tom Weaver in reference to his ex-wife Myrna and current wife Louise.
"I first realized that something was amiss when I noticed that Louise had picked up some of my ex's most annoying manners of speech," Weaver explains. "For instance, take 'skedaddle.' Back when I was married to Myrna, that word used to drive me nuts. And that's a documented fact. Just check the restraining orders."
"Anyways, just the other day, right out of the blue, Louise says she has to 'skedaddle' if she was going to be on time to meet her Mother for clothes shopping. She then had the temerity to ask if I wanted to 'tag along.' But after she said 'skedaddle,' she knew what my answer would be."
"And she did it again just last night. She said she had to skedaddle so she could go visit a sick friend. That's twice she used that word in two days. She knows what it does to me. She knows my history. I just know Myrna put her up to it. I'm sure they're having a big laugh at my expense."
Weaver, a high-school English teacher adds that his current wife also seems to have appropriated his first wife's habit of peppering her speech with 'what-not's and 'what-have-you's.
Conversely, Weaver says he has noticed at a recent family gathering that Myrna had picked up Louise's irritating way of responding to every statement in a conversation with an emphatic 'Absolutely!'
In retrospect, Weaver claims to have thought nothing of it at the time - at a birthday party for his and Myrna's 10-year-old daughter. "It was time to blow out the candles and I found Myrna and Louise huddled together giggling in the bathroom.
"So's I says to them, 'I'll just close the door so you'se can get back to your scheming.' And Myra blurts out 'Absolutely!' and they start giggling again.
Close friends and neighbours have noticed that both of the Mrs. Weavers have been getting together and 'scheming' whenever Mr. Weaver leaves for work in the morning, on his bowling night and for the entire week he was attending a semantics seminar in Toledo last month.
"I first realized that something was amiss when I noticed that Louise had picked up some of my ex's most annoying manners of speech," Weaver explains. "For instance, take 'skedaddle.' Back when I was married to Myrna, that word used to drive me nuts. And that's a documented fact. Just check the restraining orders."
"Anyways, just the other day, right out of the blue, Louise says she has to 'skedaddle' if she was going to be on time to meet her Mother for clothes shopping. She then had the temerity to ask if I wanted to 'tag along.' But after she said 'skedaddle,' she knew what my answer would be."
"And she did it again just last night. She said she had to skedaddle so she could go visit a sick friend. That's twice she used that word in two days. She knows what it does to me. She knows my history. I just know Myrna put her up to it. I'm sure they're having a big laugh at my expense."
Weaver, a high-school English teacher adds that his current wife also seems to have appropriated his first wife's habit of peppering her speech with 'what-not's and 'what-have-you's.
Conversely, Weaver says he has noticed at a recent family gathering that Myrna had picked up Louise's irritating way of responding to every statement in a conversation with an emphatic 'Absolutely!'
In retrospect, Weaver claims to have thought nothing of it at the time - at a birthday party for his and Myrna's 10-year-old daughter. "It was time to blow out the candles and I found Myrna and Louise huddled together giggling in the bathroom.
"So's I says to them, 'I'll just close the door so you'se can get back to your scheming.' And Myra blurts out 'Absolutely!' and they start giggling again.
Close friends and neighbours have noticed that both of the Mrs. Weavers have been getting together and 'scheming' whenever Mr. Weaver leaves for work in the morning, on his bowling night and for the entire week he was attending a semantics seminar in Toledo last month.
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 5:52 AM
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