Top Local News Story of 2008

Building upon the goodwill of Londoners, City Council has launched a new promotional scheme to spread the word and bring tourists and potential tax-payers to town.

The "Hey, Sailor" program was adopted after last year's 'Ambassador' program crashed and burned upon take-off when it became apparent that it was nothing more than a cash-grab by an ad-hoc committee of the same self-appointed wealthy hot-shots and muckety-mucks usually seen on the 'About Town' page of the London Free Press.

Newly-elected Mayor Paul Van Meervergen admits that the Ambassador program was doomed the moment it came to City Council in late 2007 with the request of an 'emergency' $30,000 grant for operating expenses and the expectation of an annual city-funded budget of $500,000.

"Quite frankly, considering that the Ambassador program was initially supposed to be a word-of-mouth advertising concept, the $500,000 seemed a bit high," says the new mayor dubbed 'Van the Man' by his supporters.

"Heck, how many brochures and promotional videos do you actually get for half a million bucks per year," he asked. "In fact, why should it cost ANYTHING for Londoners to tell others what a great place we live in when they happen to be on vacation or attending an out-of-town convention?"

Within city-hall circles, it is widely assumed that the 'Hey, Sailor' program is the brainchild of newly-appointed city-manager Butch ('100 per-cent') McLarty.

However, McLarty is making no claims to the program's conception. "What we are doing with 'Hey, Sailor' is simply building on the success of our last big promotional scheme - the 'We're London and We're All Mixed Up!' campaign from the early 1990s. My ol' pal Morris Dalla Costa came up with that beaut. Who says sports writers can't be poets too?"

Deputy-Mayor Cheryl Miller points out that although the Mixed-Up program brought plenty of diversity to the area, it failed to bring in enough of the "right" kind of diversity. "Unfortunately, even though it attracted lots of different ethnic and religious groups - most of them arrived here without having lined up a job or depositing a downpayment on a house in one of our new subdivisions."

"Quite frankly, we were hoping for a more wealthy kind of newcomer - and that's where the 'Hey, Sailor' program comes in! Let's face it, in today's economy, citizens of London have to be more than just ambassadors or cheerleaders - and that's why we're pimping our community and letting the world know what they can get here. New in town? Looking for a good time? Then look us up.

"This will not only attract tourists but also businesses who may want to locate here. We're extending the Glad-hand. We have to let them know that the Forest City gives more than just branch jobs."

'Hey, Sailor' is a promotional program gaining much success throughout North America and is owned by a consulting group named 'Pimp My Town' which operates out of Pahrumph, Nevada.

Funding a branch office to be built in the 'Old West' section of London, City Council has approved a $350,000 annual budget for the program.

City-manager McLarty says, "Not only will this pay the salary of a top-flight program administrator, my wife Betty - who has a degree in home economics, I might add - but will also go a long way towards the cost of printing for promotional brochures. And maybe making some videos we could put up on YouTube."

A one-time fee of $300,000 is charged by Pimp My Town to any participating municipalities for the right to use their time-tested slogan templates.

McLarty says that for London, this will include such fancy come-ons as, "Hey, We're London and we do MORE than just suck!"

JOY

Local Night Staff Worker Wins 'Major Award.'

For the second time in four years, Robert Pegg has been named 'Night Staff of the Year' by his peers and a panel of supervisory judges.

Pegg, a Developmental Services Worker specializing in overnight operations for Community Living London, received the coveted honour last evening during 'Night Staff Appreciation Day' celebrations which were held at the Lamplighter Inn.

Nominated in the category of 'Best Cook,' Pegg was praised for his ability to improvize and adapt in food preparation - particularly for his willingness to substitute Cream of Celery soup for Cream of Mushroom soup in the making of scalloped potatoes or his popular hamburger/potato casserole.

Judges cited Pegg's long-time practice of washing his hands before preparing any meal for the individuals in the group home where he is employed as being a major factor in their voting.

Pegg was also nominated for 'Best Household Cleaner.' As one judge enthused - "His technique with a Bee-Mop is nothing short of breath-taking. His use of the feather-duster is sublime. And his toilet seats are so clean you could eat off them."

However, all the judges concur that it is Pegg's commitment to the group home residents he works for which clinched their decision to give him the 'major award' he had last won in 2004.

According to one judge, "He told us that his role in the house is not unlike that of 'Uncle Charlie' on the old TV-show 'My Three Sons.'

"And when you think of it, that's true. Oh sure, as the chief cook/maid & bottlewasher, he can be gruff - but loveable. But just like 'Charlie O'Casey,' he's always there. Well, between midnight and eight a.m. during the week anyway. And just like Uncle Charlie, he knows exactly what everyone in that house needs and deserves. Unlike Fred MacMurray, I might add."

During the awards presentation, guests dined on a catered meal of broccoli-quiche and banana-bread as they listened to keynote speaker, city-councillor Steve ('Full Time') Orser who visibly moved the audience with his eye-opening speech entitled, 'Night Staff: Care Givers - Not Just Caretakers.'

When presented with his 'Night Staff of the Year Award,' Pegg was humble in his acceptance and downplayed the importance of awards. "Of course, it's always an honour just to be nominated. And it means a lot to be recognized and appreciated by both your colleagues in the profession as well as management," said Pegg. "But honestly, the job itself is reward enough."

Pegg then launched into a ten-minute explanation on how night-staff workers are the back-bone of any group home.

Things I've Learned from Ringo Starr

The first in an on-going series.

The night before a 'gig,' it is always a good idea to store your drumsticks in the freezer until needed. This will allow maximum heaviosity on your downbeat.

Accidents may happen during a show and as the sticks thaw out, you may lose one as it flies into the crowd. So always freeze a spare stick just in case. It may seem odd to others when you arrive for the job carrying three drumsticks and you may be subject to ridicule - but better safe than sorry.

If you continue to have problems holding onto the drumsticks, liberally cover your hands with talcum powder and put on latex gloves.

Remember, drummers are both the backbeat and the backbone of any band.

Boycott Urged on Holiday 'Religious' Film

As a Wiccan, Sonny Drysdale is going on record that he will not be watching any screenings this Festivus season of the religious movie, 'The Chronicles of Narnia.'

Sonny cannot endorse any film, book, holiday cartoon TV-special or novelty record which encourages children to kill our Goddess, the Earth Mother, who is portrayed in the movie as evil - even though she is named the 'White Witch.'

Author C.S. Lewis, upon whose childrens' book, 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' the 'Chronicles of Narnia' movie is based, has told the television news program 'Entertainment Tonight' that he wrote the book as a way to encourage children to kill and destroy the pagan goddess.

In all good conscience, as a Wiccan fundamentalist, Sonny cannot 'get behind' such religious propaganda at this Holiday time of year.

London Tentatively Scheduled to Become a 'World-Class City.'

Fresh on the high generated by the recent concert by Bon Jovi and his rock band, Bon Jovi - comes news that London is on the verge of officially being recognized as a 'major player' when it comes to being on the international stage.

This morning on a London radio talk-show, the announcement was made that BOTH Adam ('Bruce Wayne') West and Burt ('Dick Grayson') Ward will be coming to this area next summer for a personal appearance/autograph signing at multi-millionaire Steve Plunkett's annual Classic Car Show. The classy car show is held each June at stately Plunkett Manor on his vast country estate to the west of London.

True, some nay-sayers might rightly point out that the site is indeed past the London city limits and thereby not actually in London per se. However, Mayor Tom Gosnell reports that plans are now being put in place to ensure the limosine service delivering West and Ward passes at least one highway sign mentioning London by name.

But it is also entirely possible that West and Ward - who in addition to their roles as millionaire 'Bruce Wayne' and his youthful ward 'Dick Grayson' also played the pair's alter egos - 'Batman' and 'Robin' (sometimes referred to as the "Dynamic Duo,") on the 1960s TV-show, Batman - just might arrive at the car show courtesy of another Hollywood celebrity making an appearance at the event. Yes, I am talking about the infamous 'Bat-Copter.'

The 'Bat-Copter' is a flying vehicular means of transportation somewhat reminiscent of a helicopter. It made its motion-picture debut to great fan-fare and excitement in the 1967 feature-film, 'Batman' which was based on the TV-series and starred West and Ward in their original roles. Remember the scene set out over the ocean when Batman climbed down the labelled 'Bat-ladder' from the Bat-Copter and ended up with a giant shark attached to his entire left leg? And as he hung onto ladder with one hand and pounded on the hollow-sounding shark with the other and yelled up, "Robin, hand me down the Bat-spray Anti-Shark-Repellant!" And sure enough, there was a spray-bottle labelled as such in the BatGlove-Compartment.

Well, that's the same Bat-Copter coming to town - AND RIDES WILL BE OFFERED!

The Bat-Copter was created by custom-car guy George Barris, who was the featured guest at Plunkett's car show two years ago. Barris is also the master-mind behind the Batmobile, Bat-Cycle, Bat-boat, the Monkeemobile, the Munster's Coach and Grampa Munster's 'Drag-ula', the Dukes of Hazzard car, the car from 'Knight Rider' and James Bond's original Astin-Martin from 'Goldfinger' - and he brought all those vehicles along.

When the 'Batman' TV series debuted in 1966, Adam West and Burt Ward were credited by comic-book fans everywhere for returning the 'Caped Crusader' and the 'Teen in Tights' to the comic's original dark, grim and violent roots as written and drawn by creator Bob Kane in 1939. Previously, the Batman comic book was on the verge of cancellation after its dwindling readership of prepubescent boys tired of the characters flying to other planets and travelling through time just to fight crime.

According to ISO, the self-appointed authorities on standards for everything, if London can indeed pull off having household-name celebrities such as West and Ward appearing at a nearby farm, then London will indeed be on the way to being recognized as a 'World-Class City.' They caution, however, that until Neil Diamond makes a concert appearance at the downtown John Labatt Centre, then ISO has no choice but to wait before declaring London to be on the international map.

*** NOTE *** The photos appearing at the top of this blog entry appear courtesy of the Sonny Drysdale Archives and document the occassion over twenty years ago when Sonny took his then three-year-old first-born child to the Toronto Auto Show - just to meet Adam West and Burt Ward, or - as it was explained to her, "the REAL Batman and Robin."

Please note, from that day on, it was universally accepted that Toronto was now a First-Rate city.