Old Guy Silences Punks with Witty Retorts
Eighty-year-old Stan Myers stunned a small group of ruffians at Cherry Hill Mall yesterday after they elbowed him out of their way enroute to the Food Court.
"Who are you calling 'Pops'?" yelled back Myers. "I'm emotionally-immature enough to be your kid brother!"
The group of hooligans stopped in their tracks.
"You kids are so dumb, if it was raining soup, you'd all show up with forks," he added.
According to witnesses, Myers, affectionately known around the Mall as 'Stan the Man,' remained calm and cool as a cucumber.
At that point, the whipper-snappers turned around, scowling slack-jawed at the thin, hairless old man barely standing before them. Myers, emboldened by the presence of nearby blue-rinse babes clearly captivated by his bad-boy behavior, then pushed his walker up to the leader of the group, looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Hey buster, is that a tatoo or is that your face?"
Gasps could be heard all around. Myers, on the verge of making a comment about the Army being the source of their mothers' bootwear, was left speechless however, when the group's leader stepped forward and apologized for his and his friends' poor manners.
"I'm sorry sir. It will never happen again," said the young rapscallion.
"You make sure that it doesn't, Sonny Jim. And make sure your friends watch their 'P's and 'Q's the next time they set foot in this here mall. Or I'll give them a tongue-thrashing they'll not long forget."
As the four louts slunk off, heads bowed towards the exit, Myers could not resist rubbing salt in the fresh wounds of the ne'er do-wells by calling after them. "That's right. Skedaddle. Before you're missed in kindergarten."
Afterwards, had he been up for it, Myers could have easily celebrated in the midst of the fleshy folds of a blue-haired threesome courtesy of the appreciative and Ruebenesque Ceenyer sisters.
Instead, he turned down his hearing aid, while letting them ply him with brandy as he tried to come up with a few new zingers for 'next time.'
"Who are you calling 'Pops'?" yelled back Myers. "I'm emotionally-immature enough to be your kid brother!"
The group of hooligans stopped in their tracks.
"You kids are so dumb, if it was raining soup, you'd all show up with forks," he added.
According to witnesses, Myers, affectionately known around the Mall as 'Stan the Man,' remained calm and cool as a cucumber.
At that point, the whipper-snappers turned around, scowling slack-jawed at the thin, hairless old man barely standing before them. Myers, emboldened by the presence of nearby blue-rinse babes clearly captivated by his bad-boy behavior, then pushed his walker up to the leader of the group, looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Hey buster, is that a tatoo or is that your face?"
Gasps could be heard all around. Myers, on the verge of making a comment about the Army being the source of their mothers' bootwear, was left speechless however, when the group's leader stepped forward and apologized for his and his friends' poor manners.
"I'm sorry sir. It will never happen again," said the young rapscallion.
"You make sure that it doesn't, Sonny Jim. And make sure your friends watch their 'P's and 'Q's the next time they set foot in this here mall. Or I'll give them a tongue-thrashing they'll not long forget."
As the four louts slunk off, heads bowed towards the exit, Myers could not resist rubbing salt in the fresh wounds of the ne'er do-wells by calling after them. "That's right. Skedaddle. Before you're missed in kindergarten."
Afterwards, had he been up for it, Myers could have easily celebrated in the midst of the fleshy folds of a blue-haired threesome courtesy of the appreciative and Ruebenesque Ceenyer sisters.
Instead, he turned down his hearing aid, while letting them ply him with brandy as he tried to come up with a few new zingers for 'next time.'
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 9:54 AM
4 Comments:
Stan is the Man.
I think Stan likes to raise a ruckus wherever he goes.
Any may your god help you if Stan decides to regale you with stories about the time when he wore onions on his belt 'cause that was the style....
... and nickels had pictures of bees on them ...
Post a Comment
<< Home