Everybody Dance Now!
Welcome to my first video blog.
Got my new web-cam set up in this spiritual retreat known as 'My bedroom' and from here I'm gonna share with you my day, a laugh, maybe a tear. And I'm going to lip-synch like they do on 'American Idol' - and we're gonna dance.
Is this thing on? The camera is supposed to have a green light, right? Well, it must be on then. Cuul. Let's rock!
So like yesterday, I'm at the mall with my best friend Jenntizzle and we're sitting in the food court and this real cute guy walks by and Jenn yells out, "Hey, nice hair - who do you think you are, like Rex Morgan or something?" So's I say to her, "Hey, that guy's cool. He looked like he was about to come over, what did you do that for?" And Jenn's like all like "Oh no! I wanted him to come over. I loooovvve Rex Morgan. I just meant I thought he was cute."
So I sez to her, "Well, you know what? Most people don't share your enthusiasm for a 50-year-old comic strip. Most people don't like 'Rex Morgan.' Most people don't even read 'Rex Morgan!" And Jenn says, "So do you think he didn't know what I was talking about and I scared him off?" Well, geez - ya think?
But enough about that for right now. I feel like dancing. Let's kick it with some old school. I just love the Smashing Pumpkins, don't you? Sometimes when I'm talking real fast I just call them 'the Pumpkins' and everyone still knows who I'm talking about.
... That was fun. So anyways, get this, this morning my old man comes into the kitchen and he's all like tres pissed off and swearing that he's going to quit his subscription to the London Free Press because they're dropping almost all of his favorite comic strips - and get this - "Just when that new story-line in 'Rex Morgan' was beginning to yield gold!" I ask you, is that toooo freaky, or what?
Okay. Now I'm gonna make some funny faces into the camera. This is my little sister on Christmas morning when I told her that the puppy that Santa brought won't wake up. ... This is that time on April Fools when I asked my Mom if she knew where I left my birth control pills. .... And this is my Dad this morning when I picked up the paper after he'd thrown it on the floor, read the rest of the article and got to tell him that not only was 'Rex Morgan' being dropped from the daily comics (and replaced by 'Funky Winterbean' in a pathetic attempt to attract younger readers - ya cuz that's gonna do it) - but they're also dropping 'Blondie' and 'Marmaduke' and 'Peanuts' from the weekend funnies. I thought the old guy was gonna pop a blood vessel. He almost shit himself until I calmed him down with the news that they were keeping 'Family Circus.' Ya, that's really gonna want to make us kids pick up the stupid paper.
I'll miss 'Marmaduke.' I always liked the 'Dog-gone Funny' part of that strip. Dogs are like the Steve Urkels of the animal kingdom, you know what I mean? But I'll be damned if I can figure out why they left in that supposedly educational and totally incomprehensible half-page waste of space called 'Fizzik Rules.'
But you know what, I don't care if Rex's wife June is hot, as far as I'm concerned, 'Rex Morgan' sucks! So deal with it! And I point this out to my dad at exactly the wrong moment and now I'm grounded for being disrespectful. For being disrespectful to a frickin' comic strip! A strip so lame that the only people that like it are my weirdo best friend and my stupid, stupid parents. God, I can hardly wait till I'm old enough to move out of this Gwengontonamo prison.
Well, whatever. Cuz ya know what? It's all good.
Okay, I'm going to sing into the camera again. And I want everyone out there - I don't care if you are watching this in your dad's den or in your bedroom or at the library - to get up and shake it! How about some old-school dance? Everybody likes Madonna, right?
Got my new web-cam set up in this spiritual retreat known as 'My bedroom' and from here I'm gonna share with you my day, a laugh, maybe a tear. And I'm going to lip-synch like they do on 'American Idol' - and we're gonna dance.
Is this thing on? The camera is supposed to have a green light, right? Well, it must be on then. Cuul. Let's rock!
So like yesterday, I'm at the mall with my best friend Jenntizzle and we're sitting in the food court and this real cute guy walks by and Jenn yells out, "Hey, nice hair - who do you think you are, like Rex Morgan or something?" So's I say to her, "Hey, that guy's cool. He looked like he was about to come over, what did you do that for?" And Jenn's like all like "Oh no! I wanted him to come over. I loooovvve Rex Morgan. I just meant I thought he was cute."
So I sez to her, "Well, you know what? Most people don't share your enthusiasm for a 50-year-old comic strip. Most people don't like 'Rex Morgan.' Most people don't even read 'Rex Morgan!" And Jenn says, "So do you think he didn't know what I was talking about and I scared him off?" Well, geez - ya think?
But enough about that for right now. I feel like dancing. Let's kick it with some old school. I just love the Smashing Pumpkins, don't you? Sometimes when I'm talking real fast I just call them 'the Pumpkins' and everyone still knows who I'm talking about.
... That was fun. So anyways, get this, this morning my old man comes into the kitchen and he's all like tres pissed off and swearing that he's going to quit his subscription to the London Free Press because they're dropping almost all of his favorite comic strips - and get this - "Just when that new story-line in 'Rex Morgan' was beginning to yield gold!" I ask you, is that toooo freaky, or what?
Okay. Now I'm gonna make some funny faces into the camera. This is my little sister on Christmas morning when I told her that the puppy that Santa brought won't wake up. ... This is that time on April Fools when I asked my Mom if she knew where I left my birth control pills. .... And this is my Dad this morning when I picked up the paper after he'd thrown it on the floor, read the rest of the article and got to tell him that not only was 'Rex Morgan' being dropped from the daily comics (and replaced by 'Funky Winterbean' in a pathetic attempt to attract younger readers - ya cuz that's gonna do it) - but they're also dropping 'Blondie' and 'Marmaduke' and 'Peanuts' from the weekend funnies. I thought the old guy was gonna pop a blood vessel. He almost shit himself until I calmed him down with the news that they were keeping 'Family Circus.' Ya, that's really gonna want to make us kids pick up the stupid paper.
I'll miss 'Marmaduke.' I always liked the 'Dog-gone Funny' part of that strip. Dogs are like the Steve Urkels of the animal kingdom, you know what I mean? But I'll be damned if I can figure out why they left in that supposedly educational and totally incomprehensible half-page waste of space called 'Fizzik Rules.'
But you know what, I don't care if Rex's wife June is hot, as far as I'm concerned, 'Rex Morgan' sucks! So deal with it! And I point this out to my dad at exactly the wrong moment and now I'm grounded for being disrespectful. For being disrespectful to a frickin' comic strip! A strip so lame that the only people that like it are my weirdo best friend and my stupid, stupid parents. God, I can hardly wait till I'm old enough to move out of this Gwengontonamo prison.
Well, whatever. Cuz ya know what? It's all good.
Okay, I'm going to sing into the camera again. And I want everyone out there - I don't care if you are watching this in your dad's den or in your bedroom or at the library - to get up and shake it! How about some old-school dance? Everybody likes Madonna, right?
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 1:50 AM
14 Comments:
Hey, Sonny!
QUESTION: What happens when you put a handful of bonafide pussies (that wouldn't say shit if they had a mouthful of it) in charge of a newspaper owned by a wheeling-dealing out-of-town beancounter trying to live up to daddy's reputation as a businessman?
ANSWER: Not much of any value.
QUESTION: What happens when a socially dysfunctional mental midget runs the editorial content of a so-called alternative magazine?
ANSWER: Not much of any value.
Enough said.
Daddy, you are soooooo right.
There once was this sharpie-doo lawyer in Moronville -- Julius something or other -- who once said that he liked Toon Town because all of the local bank managers wanted to shine his patent leather shoes because he was a big-shot lawyer with a fancy office in the London Life buidling on Dufferin.
Then there was a local printing company that printed him up a few gazillion dollars-worth of phony stock certificates. Makes sense to me.
That was before Julius something or other got thrown into jail for taking advantage of a drooling pack of imbeciles (probably one of these all-stars is your boss today!).
What chance does a homeless person realy have in Moronville?
Pops - I've took up reading 'Rex Morgan' so I'd have something to talk to my ol' lady about. Turns out she hasn't even read it in years because - get this - "It's too boring."
Pops - I took up reading 'Rex Morgan' so I'd have something to talk to my ol' lady about (she's a nurse,) - but apparently she hasn't been reading the strip in years because - get this - "It's too boring."
"Pardon my redundancy." - W.C. Fields.
"Disloyal I was born and disloyal I remain" -- Butch (The Beast) McLarty during his address to the Monarchist League in 2001.
Anti-Semitism? I never noticed any of that. Us swine breeders got a rough ride though. Same as the Injuns and the pillow biters.
Honey Pot, are you still on for doing The Dance of the Seven Veils at mignight during the next full moon at B.G.B.'s place?
The amphitheatre has been completed and 250 tickets have been sold. Promotional flyers have been produced by the thousands ... "Honey Pot Trips the Light Fandango!"
All money raised will by new sharps for street addicts.
Make that "buy" new sharps for street addicts.
This keyboard is sooo sticky from whiskey being spilled on it.
Honey Pot, let's get back to the matter of you tripping the Light Fandango during a full moon -- you know doing the Dance of the Seven Veils and all that.
Word to yo' mutha - How about some more old school? You guys like Puff Daddy? I love his tribute to Notorius B.I.G. You know what I'm sayin'?
Yo, Sonny! Pick it on up spare rib style then slide the whole mutha down thru the garden an' I'll see ya at KFC closing in the City of Roses. Just a hip-hop over to Motown to grab some late-night hot corn grits at Jezebel's or Beulah-land.
Yo Butch, - Word: Tunnel BBQ in Windsor, they be closin'. That's right. That's right. S'up wit dat, man?
Who's that momma that won't cop out? Honey Pot, she's a hot mutha drippin' with the sweet sauce ....
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