Top 10 Things About Being a Night Staff
A lot of you have written in lately, asking what I do for a living. Well, I am the night staff at a group home for young adults with intellectual shortcomings. There are many great things I love about the job - the people I work for (meaning, the people who live there,) my co-workers, late-night radio talk shows about ghosts and U.F.O.'s; 4:00 a.m. infomercials for Girls Gone Wild videos. And of course, left-overs. In short, I have the best job in the world!
But for a more detailed list, here are the Top 10 Best Things About Being a Night Staff.
Dedicated to Kim E., Supervisor Extraordinaire.
10. Pillow fights during annual pajama party with clients.
9. Driver from Domino's always gets lost looking for Regal Street - usually get the pizza for free.
8. (number 8 removed at the request of Night Staff Union, Local 143.)
7. Get clients up at 3:00 a.m. to wash floors and clean bathrooms. If they complain, point to job description and tell them, "Hey, I'm a caregiver not a caretaker!"
6. Call 1-900-SEXY Party line. Bill charges to Craig L's credit card. Hope no one notices.
5. Two words - Eddie the dog!
4. No danger of bumping into supervisors or other tee-totaler management types after hopping the fence and sneaking down to Norma Jeans Tavern for last call.
3. When house is closed for Christmas break, rent it out to neighbourhood teenagers for a 'party pad,' just like Tom Cruise in Risky Business.
2. (Number 2 removed at the request of CLL management.)
.... and the Number One Top Best Thing About Being a Night Staff worker -
1. Take night off for Valentines' Day. Show wife true meaning of the term 'night staff.'
But for a more detailed list, here are the Top 10 Best Things About Being a Night Staff.
Dedicated to Kim E., Supervisor Extraordinaire.
10. Pillow fights during annual pajama party with clients.
9. Driver from Domino's always gets lost looking for Regal Street - usually get the pizza for free.
8. (number 8 removed at the request of Night Staff Union, Local 143.)
7. Get clients up at 3:00 a.m. to wash floors and clean bathrooms. If they complain, point to job description and tell them, "Hey, I'm a caregiver not a caretaker!"
6. Call 1-900-SEXY Party line. Bill charges to Craig L's credit card. Hope no one notices.
5. Two words - Eddie the dog!
4. No danger of bumping into supervisors or other tee-totaler management types after hopping the fence and sneaking down to Norma Jeans Tavern for last call.
3. When house is closed for Christmas break, rent it out to neighbourhood teenagers for a 'party pad,' just like Tom Cruise in Risky Business.
2. (Number 2 removed at the request of CLL management.)
.... and the Number One Top Best Thing About Being a Night Staff worker -
1. Take night off for Valentines' Day. Show wife true meaning of the term 'night staff.'
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 12:13 PM
9 Comments:
Sonny, Number One is a tad too serpentine for my cultured tastes, but could you kindly provide a few more details for the bhoys down here at Molly Blooms?
Are we talking good ol' Knotty Pine, Cherry or Sugar Maple?
It means whatever your little heart desires, Butchie.
Hug-a-roonies, love Sonny D.
Oh, I get it. You're talking gnarled Oak of Tall Ships Fame.
Hoist the Main Sail, Square the Jib and Splice the Main Brace! Land Ho!
"And, loving it!" ... Hm, where have I heard that before? ... Thanks MsC.
Come on, Sonny! Chop Chop! The CRTC says that you've got to put up a new Pulitzer Prize Winner every 80 hours, tops.
If you've got writer's block, eat some peyote buttons and go to church. Believe me, you'll have something to write about once you come down.
Look at Herm. He's still raving about the dust bunnies in his navel years after lightning struck his TV antenna.
Sorry Butch but the current blog has to stay up for a few more days while I ruminate on the beauty to be found in dryer lint (in keeping with my philosophy that no subject is too mundane or boring for this blog.) .... Hey, aren't you the same Butch Mclarty who hasn't posted anything new on his own blog since April 5th? Get the lead out Shakespeare!
Sonny, you know my blog was just a ticket to monitor yours. After all, you're the scribe that's been invited to meet the Prime Minister and prominent members of the bizness community. Me, I just got stuck with space cadets like Bert Downey and company.
I just thought that with all this talk about shaving and paving the "It" girls at the LPGA Women's Open at the London Hunt and Cuntry Club, plus the front page picture in Friday's Free Press of the sexy statue of Anna Marie DeCheeko in honour of her June 17 wedding at the Macaroni Club.
Like, it's not that we're lacking cannon fodder here, Sonny.
A dolled-up Mother Nature statue on someone's lawn to herald our mayor's Spring wedding and Ian Gillespie can't even figure out what the real story is. C'mon.
The previous day in the Freep, Gillespie was pictured with a few other media-types grabbing her patooka at the Mocha Temple.
Read between the lines, Sonny. Our community is truly blessed by the loins of Mother Nature. The implications for all Londoners are enormous. Buy a few lottery tickets, Sonny, without delay. I can smell folding green.
Butch - it is true that Paul Martin and I are close personal friends, but that's only because we grew up together in Windsor. And believe me, he's no different than the rest of us. Puts his pants on one leg at a time. .... I did see Ian's stuff about the Varga-like statue and believe that he was just overwhelmed by beauty of it all. As for the photo of him with those media types, I never knew Joe Duchene was so short.
Yeah, but did you notice who was grabbing Anna Maria's patooka? There's gold in them thar mounds! Lots and lots of gold.
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