Things I Learned from 'The DaVinci Code'
Couldn't make it to church this Sunday so I went to see The DaVinci Code at the drive-in last night. Here's just a few of the things I learned.
Jesus drove a real cool-looking car. The Lordmobile.
The Roman Catholic church is actually run by a cult called 'Opus Dei' in which everyone looks exactly like Larry King. Oooh, scary!
Just because you're a hot-shot artist and your name is Leonardo, that doesn't automatically make you a chick magnet.
The head of John the Baptist looks a lot like Clint Howard, the director's usually unemployed actor brother.
Tom Hanks has an even dumber looking haircut than mine.
It's not a good idea to end a car-chase scene through the Vatican with a big Broadway-style song and dance number called Darn That Pope.
He may be the son of God but in other ways He's just like every other man. As Mary Magdalene put it, "Oh sure, He can change water into wine but just try to get him to change his underwear on a daily basis."
Leave it to the French to screw up an already perfectly-good religion.
'Evian' spelled backwards is 'devil.'
Director Ron Howard cherry-picked the cast with all his old friends from Happy Days. Suzi Quatro (a.k.a. 'Leather Tuscadero') as Mary Magdalene; Henry 'The Fonz' Winkler as John - "the cool disciple"; and God's voice done by the guy who played 'Ralph Malph.' ... However, kudoes to Howard for casting his old Mayberry pal Don Knotts as The Holy Ghost.
Buddha was on a first-name basis with that 'Neil' guy who was played by Keanu Reeves in the Matrix movies.
Some of those churches over there in Europe must be what 150, maybe even 200 years old.
Writers, movie-makers and journalists always trash your reputation after you're dead and unable to sue.
Even disguised as a Francescan monk, that Tom Hanks is one bitchin' hunk o' man-flesh.
Until now, Jesus Christ: Superstar was the most authentic Hollywood version of Jesus' life.
That 'Shroud of Turin'? Gotcha!
Jesus drove a real cool-looking car. The Lordmobile.
The Roman Catholic church is actually run by a cult called 'Opus Dei' in which everyone looks exactly like Larry King. Oooh, scary!
Just because you're a hot-shot artist and your name is Leonardo, that doesn't automatically make you a chick magnet.
The head of John the Baptist looks a lot like Clint Howard, the director's usually unemployed actor brother.
Tom Hanks has an even dumber looking haircut than mine.
It's not a good idea to end a car-chase scene through the Vatican with a big Broadway-style song and dance number called Darn That Pope.
He may be the son of God but in other ways He's just like every other man. As Mary Magdalene put it, "Oh sure, He can change water into wine but just try to get him to change his underwear on a daily basis."
Leave it to the French to screw up an already perfectly-good religion.
'Evian' spelled backwards is 'devil.'
Director Ron Howard cherry-picked the cast with all his old friends from Happy Days. Suzi Quatro (a.k.a. 'Leather Tuscadero') as Mary Magdalene; Henry 'The Fonz' Winkler as John - "the cool disciple"; and God's voice done by the guy who played 'Ralph Malph.' ... However, kudoes to Howard for casting his old Mayberry pal Don Knotts as The Holy Ghost.
Buddha was on a first-name basis with that 'Neil' guy who was played by Keanu Reeves in the Matrix movies.
Some of those churches over there in Europe must be what 150, maybe even 200 years old.
Writers, movie-makers and journalists always trash your reputation after you're dead and unable to sue.
Even disguised as a Francescan monk, that Tom Hanks is one bitchin' hunk o' man-flesh.
Until now, Jesus Christ: Superstar was the most authentic Hollywood version of Jesus' life.
That 'Shroud of Turin'? Gotcha!
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 2:46 PM
11 Comments:
Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the Earth after being kicked around in the schoolyards of the Whirld.
Clint Howard's decision to play 'John the Baptist' was strictly a career move. It's a way to get ahead in Hollywood. After all, he's pretty headstrong. He may not ever become the head of a major corporation but he undeniably had a good head on his shoulders. ... Is that enough?
I have consulted with my spiritual advisor Herman Goodden and have come to the conclusion that this Web blog is a port of call (safe harbour) for Satanists, seditionists and other assorted evil doers of the Brokeback Mountain, ridin', ropin' and redecoratin' persuasion.
Nuts to you all!
Butch - whatta ya got agin' cowboy re-decorators? Even John (real name Marion) Wayne was known for his genius when it came to interior design.
Sonny, don't accuse me of pillow-biter-aphobia. I have all the records by the Village People, Rough Trade and Boy George. So back off muthaf*cka!
I tried reading the Da Vinci Code. Surely that must count towards some time off in purgatory--or is it added on?
And wasn't Chris Eccleston up to play the evil albino? I thought he was. Bastard.
As for Brokeback Mountain references, you do know the new Batwoman is a lipstick lesbian? Yep. She'll be gay AND purdy!
Butch, I know for a fact that you are comfortable with your masculinity. You would have to be - I've seen your apartment and its Victorian-era New Orleans bordello look. LUUUV that red velvet wallpaper.
Yo Young Dork, AGAIN with the lesbianism in the Batman family? Isn't that what DC did with Catwoman and Holly about a decade ago? Or was Selina just a bit butch? .... Please, please, please don't tell me they're also going to be messing with Bat-Mite's sexuality. He's still a eunuch, right?
Batman's not well-hung, but he's got a terrific clash of balls!
Kick it upstairs, lads, and then slide it on down thru the garden. I'll pick up some ribs for us all on the way home from the pool hall. Shorty, you pick up a 2-4 of that ice-cold Genesee beer. Pops, you find us a bag o' weed, OK?
I'm not sure what all that means Butch. But it's the darn nicest invitation I've seen on a blog yet.
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