Looks Good On Ya, Asshole!
Hear that? Listen hard. It's the sound of 72 virgins up in Paradise celebrating the news that 9-11 Al-Quaida terrorist Zacarius Moussaoui won't be showing up at the Pearly Gates wearing his best after-shave and carrying 72 boxes of chocolate.
Turns out Zach won't become a martyr after all. In the best instance of quoting Auden I've ever heard, the judge told him he will "die with a whimper." Letting the jerk spend the rest of his life sitting in solitary confinement, rotting his mind on reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond and beating off to pictures of Paris Hilton in old copies of People magazine is a far more cruel punishment than execution. God, I love the United States!
Have you noticed that none of his terrorist buddies have said anything since he was found guilty for his role in the 9-11 attacks? Even they hope they never hear from him again. No one is going to take American hostages and risk their own lives demanding that Zacharias be released. Even they know he's strictly looney-tunes. An embarrassment to the cause. Good ol' Zacharias - he's the Wayne Kellestine of Al-Quaida. The only friend he has in the whole terrorist world is that Shoe-Bomber Guy, someone even nuttier and more of an Al-Quaida outcast than he is. And for very good reason. I mean, c'mon - who fights with a shoe? I ask you.
Still, it must have been quite a blow to Zach. The deluded fool actually expected the Great Satan (a.k.a. 'America') to grant his wish and send him into the arms of 72 waiting virgins. And as a reward, no less for the murder of thousands of innocent people.
Geez, how nuts is that? Now before I'm accused of being a racist and intolerant of other religions, let me just say that I'm also perfectly willing to make fun of my own religion. As a Christian, how can I not? There's no shortage of head-scratching things in the Bible. World-wide floods, talking bushes and snakes, virgin births, feeding thousands of people from the fish in one picnic-basket and a loaf of bread. Turning water into wine. And don't even get me started on The Book of Revelations.
I feel free to make fun of people's religions. But not of their faith. As Archie Bunker once said, "Faith is believing in something so preposterous that no one in their right mind would believe it." And if you have it, then all the power to you. And as a Christian, I believe in all that Bible stuff. In God and Jesus and all that. I've experienced my own personal miracle in the past and that's why I believe. When you feel the hand of God on your life, then you lose all doubts.
I also look at it this way - If I can accept the existence of U.F.O.'s and aliens and ghosts and vampires, then what's so hard to believe about a guy dying on a cross, rising from the grave three days later and then going up to Heaven to be with his Dad? Nothin'.
It's all a matter of faith.
And if my Muslim brothers want to believe equally bizarre stuff, I have to respect that faith. But 72 virgins waiting for you up in Paradise? C'mon. All that proves is that the 'Qu' ran' was written by men. Even in the Afterlife, guys want to think that they were the first ones.
Turns out Zach won't become a martyr after all. In the best instance of quoting Auden I've ever heard, the judge told him he will "die with a whimper." Letting the jerk spend the rest of his life sitting in solitary confinement, rotting his mind on reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond and beating off to pictures of Paris Hilton in old copies of People magazine is a far more cruel punishment than execution. God, I love the United States!
Have you noticed that none of his terrorist buddies have said anything since he was found guilty for his role in the 9-11 attacks? Even they hope they never hear from him again. No one is going to take American hostages and risk their own lives demanding that Zacharias be released. Even they know he's strictly looney-tunes. An embarrassment to the cause. Good ol' Zacharias - he's the Wayne Kellestine of Al-Quaida. The only friend he has in the whole terrorist world is that Shoe-Bomber Guy, someone even nuttier and more of an Al-Quaida outcast than he is. And for very good reason. I mean, c'mon - who fights with a shoe? I ask you.
Still, it must have been quite a blow to Zach. The deluded fool actually expected the Great Satan (a.k.a. 'America') to grant his wish and send him into the arms of 72 waiting virgins. And as a reward, no less for the murder of thousands of innocent people.
Geez, how nuts is that? Now before I'm accused of being a racist and intolerant of other religions, let me just say that I'm also perfectly willing to make fun of my own religion. As a Christian, how can I not? There's no shortage of head-scratching things in the Bible. World-wide floods, talking bushes and snakes, virgin births, feeding thousands of people from the fish in one picnic-basket and a loaf of bread. Turning water into wine. And don't even get me started on The Book of Revelations.
I feel free to make fun of people's religions. But not of their faith. As Archie Bunker once said, "Faith is believing in something so preposterous that no one in their right mind would believe it." And if you have it, then all the power to you. And as a Christian, I believe in all that Bible stuff. In God and Jesus and all that. I've experienced my own personal miracle in the past and that's why I believe. When you feel the hand of God on your life, then you lose all doubts.
I also look at it this way - If I can accept the existence of U.F.O.'s and aliens and ghosts and vampires, then what's so hard to believe about a guy dying on a cross, rising from the grave three days later and then going up to Heaven to be with his Dad? Nothin'.
It's all a matter of faith.
And if my Muslim brothers want to believe equally bizarre stuff, I have to respect that faith. But 72 virgins waiting for you up in Paradise? C'mon. All that proves is that the 'Qu' ran' was written by men. Even in the Afterlife, guys want to think that they were the first ones.
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 1:53 AM
10 Comments:
I wage jihad on you, you unholy sunuvabitch!
May the saddle of your camel be invaded by 20,000 red army ants.
May your favourite Babuska in the Caliph's harem finger you in a police line-up as the one who gave her the Dreaded Blue Goofus.
Allah Akbar! Infidel dogs must die!
The hypocrisy of Moussaoui is just amazing. Or maybe he has more brains than I gave him credit for.
Sonny, you'll eventually convert to Islam and die a happy death with a burgundy turban on your noggin.
Allah Akbar! Allah Akbar!
Pops - you don't want it to get around that you don't like dead people, do you? .... I forget if it was the late film critic Pauline Kael or Alice Cooper who once declared "I love the dead." Or was it James Joyce? Jeffrey Dahlmer?
Butch - do you see anything in that crystal ball of yours involving 72 virgins unwinding that turban for me?
Sonny, I see you spreadeagled atop Mt. Arafat with 72 vestal virgins swarming around you and eagerly gobbling the warm juices from your loins -- but only if you swear your allegiance to the Prophet Mohammed and agree to pray to the Kaaba Stone in Mecca five times a day.
Otherwise, forget about it ...
You must also be willing to strap a wheel of Limburgher cheese around your waist and attend a black-tie, smooth shave-and-pave event at the London Hunt and Country Club.
Allah Akbar!
"Butch" - I know who you are and I'm not afraid Mister'Tim' Gosnell.
Tim Gosnell? Who dat?
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