Musings on the Nature of Shit and Joe Fontana
Out for a dog walk this morning thru the park that runs along the river Thames. 'Rover' did his business, I scooped it up in a bag and then we went in search of a garbage can. We spotted one and from 20 feet away, I made an underhand pitch and the bag landed right on the rim of the can. Neither in or out.
Life is sometimes like that, isn't it? Neither in or out. Sitting on the fence. Unable to be one thing or the other. Unable to make a decision. Are you listening Joe Fontana? Time to shit or get off the pot.
Is Joe running for Town Mayor or not? The suspense is nerve-wracking. If no one else is running against Queen Anne-Marie, does this mean I'll end up voting for Ivan Warbucks? Again?
Of course the question on everyone's mind is - just where does Joe stand on the question of The Arts in London? Is he fer 'em or agin' em? Judging by the cutbacks his federal Liberal government gave to our cultural institutions over the past decade or so, it seems likely that The Arts aren't big priority with Joe.
Joe was noticeably absent at the first All-Candidates meeting that was held a few weeks ago and devoted entirely to the question of supporting The Arts. Of course, not being an electoral candidate at the time, Joe is excused. Of the 25 who showed up, the usual incumbents were there as well as a bunch of newbies you never heard of before. The incumbents that you know don't give a crap about Art weren't there. Their absence says everything you need to know about the subject.
Of those speaking, the usual platitudes were said and were forgotten as soon as they left the speaker's lips. They sure won't be remembered come The Morning After in November.
The highlight of the meeting was when Ivan Warbucks got off a few good jokes he ripped off from George Burns or Jackie Mason or Jack Benny or Milton Berle - "I'm happy to be here today. Of course at my age, I'm happy to be anywhere!" Oh, that Ivan! A joke so old it has dino-shit on it. And of course everyone just roared in response.
Speaking of fecal matter, the other day I was walking down the street and there in the middle of the sidewalk was a big mound of freshly deposited dog-shit. Covered in flies. The next day it was still there. Sans flies. In fact it remained there for days until a rainstorm turned it to mush and someone stepped in it and thankfully carried it away.
But it made me think - why were the flies gone within a day? Probably within hours. Just what is there in fresh dog shit that attracts them? What kind of nutrients are to be had that are gone so soon. Why aren't they eating the stuff till the whole damn mound is gone? Frickin' flies - what use are they anyway?
They're only there while the going is good. When there is something to be had. Kind of like politicians at election time when they are talking about The Arts. They're drawn to the subject like well, flies to shit. But it's only a fleeting interest and after they've taken everything they can, they move on. Before an election, The Arts are a Number One Priority. Afterwards, they get treated like Number 2.
Now, before I am accused of bad metaphors and making cheap crude allusions - "How dare you compare The Arts to dog shit!" - let me say that if I had stumbled upon a sweet mound of golden honey covered in flies on that sidewalk, I would be noting the same similarities.
That said, I've seen some good art and some bad art in my day. And I may not know a lot about 'Ahht,' but I do know shit when I see it.
Life is sometimes like that, isn't it?
Life is sometimes like that, isn't it? Neither in or out. Sitting on the fence. Unable to be one thing or the other. Unable to make a decision. Are you listening Joe Fontana? Time to shit or get off the pot.
Is Joe running for Town Mayor or not? The suspense is nerve-wracking. If no one else is running against Queen Anne-Marie, does this mean I'll end up voting for Ivan Warbucks? Again?
Of course the question on everyone's mind is - just where does Joe stand on the question of The Arts in London? Is he fer 'em or agin' em? Judging by the cutbacks his federal Liberal government gave to our cultural institutions over the past decade or so, it seems likely that The Arts aren't big priority with Joe.
Joe was noticeably absent at the first All-Candidates meeting that was held a few weeks ago and devoted entirely to the question of supporting The Arts. Of course, not being an electoral candidate at the time, Joe is excused. Of the 25 who showed up, the usual incumbents were there as well as a bunch of newbies you never heard of before. The incumbents that you know don't give a crap about Art weren't there. Their absence says everything you need to know about the subject.
Of those speaking, the usual platitudes were said and were forgotten as soon as they left the speaker's lips. They sure won't be remembered come The Morning After in November.
The highlight of the meeting was when Ivan Warbucks got off a few good jokes he ripped off from George Burns or Jackie Mason or Jack Benny or Milton Berle - "I'm happy to be here today. Of course at my age, I'm happy to be anywhere!" Oh, that Ivan! A joke so old it has dino-shit on it. And of course everyone just roared in response.
Speaking of fecal matter, the other day I was walking down the street and there in the middle of the sidewalk was a big mound of freshly deposited dog-shit. Covered in flies. The next day it was still there. Sans flies. In fact it remained there for days until a rainstorm turned it to mush and someone stepped in it and thankfully carried it away.
But it made me think - why were the flies gone within a day? Probably within hours. Just what is there in fresh dog shit that attracts them? What kind of nutrients are to be had that are gone so soon. Why aren't they eating the stuff till the whole damn mound is gone? Frickin' flies - what use are they anyway?
They're only there while the going is good. When there is something to be had. Kind of like politicians at election time when they are talking about The Arts. They're drawn to the subject like well, flies to shit. But it's only a fleeting interest and after they've taken everything they can, they move on. Before an election, The Arts are a Number One Priority. Afterwards, they get treated like Number 2.
Now, before I am accused of bad metaphors and making cheap crude allusions - "How dare you compare The Arts to dog shit!" - let me say that if I had stumbled upon a sweet mound of golden honey covered in flies on that sidewalk, I would be noting the same similarities.
That said, I've seen some good art and some bad art in my day. And I may not know a lot about 'Ahht,' but I do know shit when I see it.
Life is sometimes like that, isn't it?
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 4:03 AM
11 Comments:
THIS JUST IN: Joey Bananas ain't going to challenge Sweet Pea Anna Maria DeCheeko.
Reason: The Libs want Joey to run again in London North-Centre (they smell a Harper majority by a nose hair or two) and Joey knows he can't beat Her Washup the Mayor and Chief Magistrate.
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Way to go, Butchie!
Scooping the Free Press again.
You want a scoop. I'll give you a scoop, Sonny-boy!
Hit the road, Trout. Scavenger fish aren't welcome around here.
Christ, this is starting to read like the Drudge Report.
Well, gosh darn it all - I just don't know who or what to believe around here. According to cub-reporter Jimmy Olson, in this mornings Free Press, Joe Fontana will be announcing his campaign for Town Mayor next week.
But maybe they mean the Mayor of St. Thomas or something like that.
Forgive me Father for I have sinned by coveting my neighbour's wife's ass.
When she jiggles by me, my thoughts are not pure and I must confess that I have entertained taking inappropriate action such as offering her strong drink and ripe watermelons.
Stay away from my Honey Pot, Trout, or I'll bash your tiny brain in!
What thingimajig, Honey Pot? The Rub 'n' Tug on Clarke Road?
I suspect Mr. Hard is an ex-member of the Harvard Debating Team so I guess I'd better watch my step. He could cut me off at the knees.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Here's the updated scoop, kiddies.
Paul Haggis wants to inspire London students
London, Ont. -- Lights, camera, bun toss! London's rolling out the red carpet for Hollywood's hottest screenwriter and its humble native son on Monday, September 11 (unusual date that one), 2006.
Paul Haggis, who won two Academy Awards last March -- best original screenplay and best picture for the movie, Crash -- was born on March 10, 1953, "on Blackfriars [Street] near Blackfriars Bridge" says his father Ted, which explains the name of Haggis's film company, Blackfriars Bridge Productions.
In the early 1970s, Paul cut his teeth in theatre production at the former Gallery Theatre at 36 York Street (owned by his father) before heading to Tinseltown in 1974-75 to follow his dream of writing TV and movie scripts. After a few years of doing odd jobs in Los Angeles, Haggis finally landed a gig writing for the TV series, Love Boat. Thirty years later, the rest is history.
What does London have planned for our hometown-lad-done-good? It's supposed to be all hush-hush. A deep dark secret known only to a handful of poohbahs at city hall, but, not surprisingly, the cat is now out of the bag.
The day will be spent visiting students in a few London schools (Fanshawe College's M block at 10 a.m., CCH at 12:15 p.m. and H.B. Beal at 1:45 p.m.), along with an afternoon visit to city hall for a ceremonial schmoozefest and bun toss, to be filmed by an entertainment TV show from Hogtown.
The question is, will Haggis bring along his two Oscars for Londoners to ogle? I predict he will.
CELESTIAL CITY: At city hall, Haggis will also receive an original collage called Celestial City by internationally renowned London artist, Philip Aziz (www.philipaziz.org), from Philip and Mayor Anne Marie DeCicco-Best.
Preeminent Jungian scholar, London psychotherapist and author, Dr. Robert Aziz -- a cousin of artist Philip Aziz -- says this about Haggis' movie Crash and Aziz' Celestial City: "Although operating in very different mediums, what the artistic visions of Paul Haggis and Philip Aziz have in common is a deep concern with the interrelatedness of life, the relationship of the part to the whole ..."
Want to watch the proceedings from the public gallery in council chambers on September 11th? The 75-or-so seats in the public gallery are on a first-come first-serve basis, so it's best to arrive at city hall early -- say around 2:45 p.m. for the 3:30 p.m. show.
Ted Haggis says that Paul's "coming to London [by limo] from the Toronto Film Festival on Sunday night [the 10th, when his latest flick, Last Kiss, is premiering], staying with me, then leaving for the school tour in the morning. There's a meeting at city hall. Paul's flying back to L.A. the next day."
Apparently Paulie-baby is flying back to L.A. from the London airport around 6:20 p.m. on Tuesday, September 12th, so he'll be in London for two full days. A visit to Philip Aziz' stunning studio and gallery -- a designated heritage property -- at 150 Philip Aziz Avenue is a possibility on Tuesday.
Initially, civic officials discussed naming a new southwest London street after Haggis (a property once owned by Paul's father) but Ted says, "I put the kibosh on that. The property had no real connection to Paul. We wanted to focus on schools that Paul attended. If Paul can inspire just one student, that's great."
Now we learn that the City also plans to honour Haggis by dedicating a future park in his name in southwest London near White Oaks and Southdale roads.
The unconfirmed scuttlebutt is that the University of Western Ontario was prepared to give Haggis an honourary doctorate, but that Haggis shot that down too. ("I got kicked out of practically every school that I attended. Why would I want an honourary degree?") Humble Haggis, indeed!
According to Robin Armistead in city hall's Culture Office, London-based Media Management Inc. is helping to organize the day, along with John Winston of Tourism London and Andrea Halwa of the London Arts Council.
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