"There is No Spoon ..."
I didn't feel like doing my independent Bible study last night so I watched The Matrix. Again. It was on TBS about three times last night. And I've only seen it about a dozen times before so what the heck.
Kinda the same thing as doing my Bible study anyways. All that stuff about "The One," and "The Prophecy" and what with that Neil guy being like a Savior just like Jesus who's come back to kick ass to all that Evil shit goin' down in the world and all that New Testament jazz.
Plus there's cooler fight scenes in the movie. And people look better. Let's be honest, even the Lord would benefit from having a pair of those cool-looking Matrix sunglasses. You know what I'm sayin'?
But there's another movie out right now with aspirations in the comparisons-to-Christ department. That's right. Superman Returns. Not just Superman: The New Franchise, Installment One, mind you, but Superman Returns. Geez, why didn't they just call it
Superman: The Second Coming, for that matter?
And what's with hiring an unknown again? Keanu Reeves is still young enough to play the part. Instead they hire some kid who's not even an actor. I doubt that Brandon Routh is even old enough to get a job on Smallville.
Anyways, when the movie was over, I still didn't feel like cracking open my Bible so I started thinking about how Neil and Jesus have a lot of similarities - both are rebels fighting the Establishment. Whereas, Superman is working for The Man. He's like a lackey for the Establishment.
But of course the big question is: Who is more cool - Superman, or Neil from The Matrix?
The following are a few observations:
Superman lives in Metropolis, a big city that looks like Manhattan in the 1950s. Neil has Zion, a place that looks like an underground version of Sudbury.
When Superman wants to be alone or take chicks to a "special" intimate spot, he has his Fortress of Solitude at the North Pole. Neil has a bunk over the radiator pipes.
Superman has dorky but normally harmless Jimmy Olson for a best friend. Neil has some little kid who hero-worships him and is always putting pressure on him to be 'The One' - "Or our asses are gonna be shredded by those electric squid thingies."
There is no Bizarro world Neil - unless you considerKeanu's character in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures.
As a baby, Superman arrived on Earth in a space-ship wrapped in indestructible swaddling clothes. Until he was rescued, Neil was a copper-top baby dreaming his life away in an isolation flotation tank.
Both can fly and have super-powered lungs, hearing and vision and even X-ray vision. But only Superman has the power of Super-ventriloquism.
Superman was adopted by kindly Ma and Pa Kent who loved him as their own son. Neil - or 'Mr. Anderson' if you will, to all appearances was raised by Mr. Television and babysat by Mr. Video Game.
In his off-work hours, Superman gets to hang out with Batman and the other superhero guys at the Justice League of America. Neil is stuck with the same buncha mopes he works with all day on a submarine. And even if they put on nicer clothes to go hang out in the Holodeck world, it's still the same group of stiffs - only with better haircuts and cooler threads.
............... so, on the face of things, it might seem that Superman has it a lot better than Neil. but also think of these ....
Neil's boss Morpheus worships the ground he walks on and has faith in him - and yet is like a cool father figure. But Perry White is always yelling things like "Don't blow it this time, Kent!"
Costume-wise - in the red and blue Spandex, Superman undeniably has a SuperDork thing going on. Neil, on the other hand, proves that you can never go wrong by emulating Johnny Cash's Man in Black look.
The raves in Zion are better than the ones they have in Metropolis.
Superman has that insufferable pesky Lois Lane for a girlfriend. Neil has Trinity, a hot babe who likes to dress in black leather, have hot steamy sex - and doesn't talk too much.
And the most important difference of all - Superman's secret identity is Clark Kent. Neil's secret identity is Superman.
Kinda the same thing as doing my Bible study anyways. All that stuff about "The One," and "The Prophecy" and what with that Neil guy being like a Savior just like Jesus who's come back to kick ass to all that Evil shit goin' down in the world and all that New Testament jazz.
Plus there's cooler fight scenes in the movie. And people look better. Let's be honest, even the Lord would benefit from having a pair of those cool-looking Matrix sunglasses. You know what I'm sayin'?
But there's another movie out right now with aspirations in the comparisons-to-Christ department. That's right. Superman Returns. Not just Superman: The New Franchise, Installment One, mind you, but Superman Returns. Geez, why didn't they just call it
Superman: The Second Coming, for that matter?
And what's with hiring an unknown again? Keanu Reeves is still young enough to play the part. Instead they hire some kid who's not even an actor. I doubt that Brandon Routh is even old enough to get a job on Smallville.
Anyways, when the movie was over, I still didn't feel like cracking open my Bible so I started thinking about how Neil and Jesus have a lot of similarities - both are rebels fighting the Establishment. Whereas, Superman is working for The Man. He's like a lackey for the Establishment.
But of course the big question is: Who is more cool - Superman, or Neil from The Matrix?
The following are a few observations:
Superman lives in Metropolis, a big city that looks like Manhattan in the 1950s. Neil has Zion, a place that looks like an underground version of Sudbury.
When Superman wants to be alone or take chicks to a "special" intimate spot, he has his Fortress of Solitude at the North Pole. Neil has a bunk over the radiator pipes.
Superman has dorky but normally harmless Jimmy Olson for a best friend. Neil has some little kid who hero-worships him and is always putting pressure on him to be 'The One' - "Or our asses are gonna be shredded by those electric squid thingies."
There is no Bizarro world Neil - unless you considerKeanu's character in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures.
As a baby, Superman arrived on Earth in a space-ship wrapped in indestructible swaddling clothes. Until he was rescued, Neil was a copper-top baby dreaming his life away in an isolation flotation tank.
Both can fly and have super-powered lungs, hearing and vision and even X-ray vision. But only Superman has the power of Super-ventriloquism.
Superman was adopted by kindly Ma and Pa Kent who loved him as their own son. Neil - or 'Mr. Anderson' if you will, to all appearances was raised by Mr. Television and babysat by Mr. Video Game.
In his off-work hours, Superman gets to hang out with Batman and the other superhero guys at the Justice League of America. Neil is stuck with the same buncha mopes he works with all day on a submarine. And even if they put on nicer clothes to go hang out in the Holodeck world, it's still the same group of stiffs - only with better haircuts and cooler threads.
............... so, on the face of things, it might seem that Superman has it a lot better than Neil. but also think of these ....
Neil's boss Morpheus worships the ground he walks on and has faith in him - and yet is like a cool father figure. But Perry White is always yelling things like "Don't blow it this time, Kent!"
Costume-wise - in the red and blue Spandex, Superman undeniably has a SuperDork thing going on. Neil, on the other hand, proves that you can never go wrong by emulating Johnny Cash's Man in Black look.
The raves in Zion are better than the ones they have in Metropolis.
Superman has that insufferable pesky Lois Lane for a girlfriend. Neil has Trinity, a hot babe who likes to dress in black leather, have hot steamy sex - and doesn't talk too much.
And the most important difference of all - Superman's secret identity is Clark Kent. Neil's secret identity is Superman.
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 10:36 AM
5 Comments:
Frankly, I'm more interested in hearing stories about the TV series, The Ghost and Mrs. Muir or the TV game shows from the 1950s, Queen For a Day and Beat the Clock.
Or perhaps I could put an order in for Sean Twist to pen a column about patent leather soccer balls, kittie cats high on catnip or student life before the advent of Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden and the New York Dolls.
Butch McLarty's Rules for Staying Young:
1. "Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood."
2. "If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts, such as a half-naked Honey Pot lounging under the Yum-Yum Tree."
3. "Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move."
4. "Go very light on the vices, such as carrying on in society — the social ramble ain't restful."
5. "Avoid running at all times."
6. "And don't look back — something might be gaining on you."
Don't worry Pops,I'm over Superman - and still haven't seen the movie. Bowing to public demand, now I have to come up with something on the ground-breaking performance of Charles Nelson Reilly on 'The Ghost and Mr. Muir.' .... "C.N.R. - Comic Relief or the Voice of Reason?"
Honey Pot, never sell yourself short in the wood nymph department.
A spy in Old East told me that they even modelled an inflatable doll after you -- model #069.
I investigated the matter and it turns out the tip is accurate. Guess who my new poker partner is?
You can play alone if you've got a good hand.
I'm not bad a poker either. Two hands, eh? Yeah baby, Yeah!
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