Area Man "Very Disappointed" in Local Womens' Group

Let's get this straight right off the bat - I am very, VERY disappointed in London's collective umbrella of Womens' Groups for cancelling their announced May 2nd protest of the misogynist ways of our one and only local newspaper - outside the London Free Press building.

As far as non-events go, this one had a not-to-be-missed quality to it, which would have guaranteed my presence as an interested bystander. Or I would have gotten a kick out of the coverage of it on their one&only competitor, our one&only TV station, Channel 10/News Now.

It all began stupidly enough about a week ago with Equality Day. One of the organizers of the Free Press protest (who is also the taxpayer-funded head honcho of one of our many 'Woman Awareness' organizations,) made a big media to-do about cancelling her London Free Press subscription because of her repugnance of the Free Press bi-monthly Mens' "M" magazine, because of its most recent issue (from six weeks ago,) which featured a photo advertorial for a local motorcycle shop - 'Hot Bikes and Hot Women.'

Actually, it may have not been titled 'Hot Bikes, Hot Women' - it could have been 'Hot Ladies' or something like that. We're talking about the London Free Press here, where any sense of being provocative has left the building years ago. So it certainly wasn't 'Hot Chicks' or 'Hot Babes' - or 'Hot Womyn' or 'Wimmin' for that matter.

The photo layout itself consisted of sultry-looking young ladies stradling or standing next to real hot big long bikes. The kind that have suicide handlebars just like Capt. America's in 'Easy Rider' that give them a few extra inches even though they don't really need it - because ultimately, it's not all about The Big Road-Trip, it's about how long and slow and then faster and faster it takes you to get there.

And as far as being arousing or "salacious," all the models were wearing clothing. And next to no shots of any cleaveage-revealing tops. As a bit of erotica, it wasn't much of a bust. Frankly, I've seen more raunchy shots in the lingerie ads in our weekly Wal-mart flyer.

But the fact that a local 'Mens' magazine published by our local newspaper would use such photos which kinda/sorta 'objectified women as sex objects,' clearly got up the dander of that dame who gets her weekly paycheck for running one of those Women Issue groups - and she said 'Enough. I am so disgusted with the London Free Press for publishing this magazine almost two months ago, that on April 17th, also known as Equality Day, I am cancelling my subscription to the newspaper - and everyone else with any sensitivity will do the same. ... Oh, and we're also going to publicly protest outside the Free Press building on May the second."

... now, what makes this whole thing so darn laughable and so very London and so very, very London Free Press, is that the 'Cancel Your Newspaper Subscription' Day was deliberately timed for 'Equality Day.'

But if you've ever picked up 'M' Magazine and looked at the mast-head, you would know that it is published by a woman. At least half of the contributing writers, photographers and graphic artists are women. And the Editor - the person who creates the editorial shape, content and philosophy of the magazine - IS A WOMAN!

Talk about Equality. If the protesting wimmen were serious about Equality, they would be Celebrating the fact that the Sista's were putting out a Mens magazine. The only real offensive thing about that photo-spread of Bikes & Broads, was how lame it was.

I mean, really - a MENS magazine created by women? Only in London. And only at the London Free Press, a newspaper which (to give them their due and proper credit,) has a long history of bending over when it comes to covering the 'Women are best/Men don't even count' issues. These people wrote the book on how to give editorial blow-jobs.

Think about it - women have come a long way, baby. A men's magazine produced by women. It took Hugh Hefner an umployed adult daughter and forty years to get to that point.

This truly is something to celebrate.

Or was - because the big babies have called off their May 2nd protest outside the Free Press building after meeting with the publisher, Sam McGree Jr. who convinced them that he is really on their side - despite his past columns on the op-ed page about his natural interest in pornography and about the time he was neutered.

All of this is probably good for the professional loud-mouths who work as executives for Womens' Issue groups in town.

But it's truly just more sad news for the once-adequate newspaper known as The London Free Press. A man with no balls has been told how to play ball with people who throw like a bunch of girls.

My prediction - the editor of 'M' magazine will soon be reassigned. Yes, a woman will lose her job over all this silliness.

And 'M' magazine will no longer contain any content as raunchy as an M&M Meats flyer.

- which means of course, that we can also kiss of this summer's Swimsuit issue.

Catch-phrase for the Week

In the line-up at the grocery store, at work, in the car at rush hour, while making dinner, feel free to borrow this saying and use it liberally throughout the week until it finally catches on.

"FINE! See if I care!"

Area Man's Blog Gone to Dogs

Finally ensconced in stately Drysdale Manor, territorial Jane the Dane stakes her claim to a 'place' in the space-age bachelor pad.

Well, It's Over ...

After a relationship that has lasted over 25 years, I have ended my days with the London Free Press.

Yep. Yesterday, I cancelled my subscription.

Because on Sunday, for the second Sunday in a row - and the third time in eight days, I didn't get my paper.

When it happened a week ago, I called up and complained about being missed two days in a row. I was assured that they would look into the matter. Now, normally, if I don't get my paper, I don't worry about it - because it's the London Free Press and generally there isn't anything worthwhile reading in it anyway other than The Funnies. And even then ...

It's just not worth the trouble and aggravation of spending five minutes trying to get through on the phone to complain. That's because you dial the number for home delivery service only to get a recorded message telling you to dial another number if you didn't get your paper that day. And if you are dialing from a rotary phone, well forget it. In fact, I'm positive I heard the woman's voice on the recording say "If you are calling from a rotary telephone then fuck you, you're out of luck. Go get your news from the Town Crier."

But I called anyway. Because I was maddern' tarnation. And the Customer Service guy - the same guy I talked to last time - listens to my concerns and asks, "Well before you cancel, would you like our Distribution Supervisor to speak to your carrier?"

And I says, "NO. That should have been done last week!"

And he says, "Oh, in that case, this will terminate our relationship."

"FINE!" I says.

And just like that it was over. I then picked up that morning's Free Press. The first edition of the much ballyhooed "Redesign" and asked myself, "Shit, why didn't I do this years ago?" I tell you, even including the Weekend Sports results, it was about 20 pages long. I've seen thicker grocery flyers.

For you out-of-staters who may be reading this, for the London Free Press - a much publicized and focus-grouped "ReDesign" means taking your 'City and District News' section, formerly known as 'Section 2' and making it now 'Section 1' while moving the old Section 1 (formerly known as 'Canada and the World News,) to the position in the paper formerly held by Section 2.

Only in London.

I tell ya, this is such a lame-ass move, it could only happen here in Hicksville, Ohio.

And in fact, it once did. A number of years ago, our one and only local Television station changed their promotional slogan with similar fanfare. They changed it from "London You Turn Us On!" to "You Turn Us On, London!"

Of course when you are the only major newspaper or television station in town, you can get away with such stuff. Some might call it arrogance. Or a lack of imagination. But the sad reality is that it's just laziness. And I've got almost 20 pages from my last copy of the London Free Press to prove it.

Sweet Jane

Meet Jane the Dane.

It gives me great pleasure to announce that the Drysdale family are now the proud parents of a three-year-old Great Dane. Named Jane.

Jane hails from rural Quebec where she spent the first three years of her life in a puppy mill popping out babies. She comes to us courtesy the good people at the dog-rescue association 'Danes in Distress' and a nice lady named Phyllis, her current foster care-giver.

I had hoped to give Paxton a proper period of grieving after he died six weeks ago. Because if there's one thing I can't stand, it's when someone's life-long husband or wife dies and they go out and right away get remarried while their former spouse is still warm in the grave.

But when the opportunity to get a new Great Dane came up out of the blue, I thought it was time to get on with life. True, I feel a bit like a slut and more than a bit of a hypocrite and it turns out that I'm not quite the person I always thought I was - but so what? That's a small price to pay to once again have a dog for a friend. After having Paxton, I can't imagine life without one.

Or - as Marge Simpson once put it, "Someone to share our love."

The Girl doesn't officially move in for another week but she is slowly adapting on her visits here. Jane certainly isn't no mere replacement or mirror-image dog. Paxton arrived in his middle-age and ready to retire. Whereas, Jane may have retired from baby-making but she's still just barely out of her teens. He was a he and she is a she. He was fawn-coloured and she's black. He said 'Po-tate-oes' and she says 'Toam-aht-toes.' And when unleashed for a romp in the backyard, Paxton would gallop. Jane moves at more of a fast trot. Typically female, she runs just like a girl.

The one thing they have in common is a deep dislike for other dogs. When we go for a walk, just like Paxton, she goes ape-shit at the sight of another dog. Paxton got that from being attacked by a couple of unleashed brutes when he was a puppy. Jane has the same aversion for her fellow canines because of a youth spent cranking out puppies. Apparently she's had enough of her species.

Alas, once again I shall be turned down for membership in the Wortley Village Mutt Club.

Not that I'm complaining. I guess there IS some benefit to owning an unsocial dog after all.