News Digest for the Week that Was
LOCAL POLITICIAN REFERENCES CLASSIC-ROCK SINGER IN ATTEMPT TO UP HIS STREET CRED.
London Board of Control member Bud Polhill mentioned John Fogarty, formerly of the 1970s classic rock group Creedence Clearwater Revival on Monday in a pathetic attempt to raise his 'cool factor' with young voters.
When speaking of his opposition to a proposed feasability study for the long-proposed Performing Arts Centre, the middle-aged balding city-council member said that he is just as happy seeing John Fogarty in the already existing RBC Theatre which is located inside our downtown hockey arena.
The rags-to-riches politico who owns his own auto-body shop continued in raising his street cred by saying that he was perfectly content getting funky at our already existing concert venue Centennial Hall once a month when he attends Orc London's popular 'Jeans & Classics' night.
Polhill ("Please, call me 'Bud',) cemented his commonality with the common man by refering to Motor City mainman, Bob Seger. "No, I will not waffle or flip-flop this time in my opposition to a new Performing Arts Centre. Let me make this very clear - on this issue, I am like Bob Seger in that GM truck commercial, I am Like a Rock."
Polhill ended his press conference by assuming a Yoga position, closing his eyes and repeating his mantra over and over again - "John Cougar Mellencamp,John Cougar Mellencamp."
HELLS ANGELS PISSED OFF AS ALL HELL OVER FORMER BIKER CHICK DATING POLITICIAN.
In a press statement, motorcycle enthusiasts, The Hells Angels* (TM)say that they are "miffed and vexed" at news reports that one of their former ol' ladies is currently dating a Cabinat minister in the Federal Government of Canada.
"Let's just say that we are very, very disappointed in that broad, 'What'sHerName' said One-Eye Joe, spokesman for the group of leather-clad businessmen.
"Doesn't she have any standards? Doesn't she know what scuzzy corrupt criminal slimeballs all politicians are? Geez, where's she been all her life?!?"
"With the exception of Mel Lastman, even we won't have anything to do with them. Good ol' Mel, he's just like us - the last of the Bad Boys. And even HE won't have anything to do with them anymore.
"Think about it, name me one politician other than Mel that you'd like to have a beer or go to a rumble with. Is there even one? Nope. There's NOOOOOOO-BUDDY."
BOY JUMPS OFF AMBASSADOR BRIDGE BECAUSE ALL HIS FRIENDS WERE DOING IT.
Parents are very upset with him and have taken away his allowance for the next two weeks. Boy promises never to do it again.
BRENDA MARTIN RETURNS TO MEXICO
Canadian ex-patriate Brenda Martin, recently released from her hell-hole of a Mexican jail where she was serving time on charges of not bribing the local judicial system has reportedly returned to Mexico on an all-expenses-paid "opportunity" to check out a new time-share condo in Acapulco.
Martin says it was the "no hard-sell/no obligations" promise made by the travel company that cinched the deal for her.
TIM-BIT BUMPS THAMES RIVER OFF FRONT PAGE OF LONDON FREE PRESS.
The firing of a Tim Horton's Donut Shop employee for giving a free piece of a donut to a baby caused unexpected mayhem in the newsroom of the London Free Press when editors were divided over running a picture of the single mother on the front page or go with another pretty colour photograph of the Thames River.
Editor-in-Chief Margaret Atwood Junior won the day by insisting on the rest of "youse guys" letting him make a decision for a change.
In an editorial explaining his decision, Atwood Junior said he did so "Because as a city, and a Creative City too, I might add, 'Tim Hortons' defines us."
London Board of Control member Bud Polhill mentioned John Fogarty, formerly of the 1970s classic rock group Creedence Clearwater Revival on Monday in a pathetic attempt to raise his 'cool factor' with young voters.
When speaking of his opposition to a proposed feasability study for the long-proposed Performing Arts Centre, the middle-aged balding city-council member said that he is just as happy seeing John Fogarty in the already existing RBC Theatre which is located inside our downtown hockey arena.
The rags-to-riches politico who owns his own auto-body shop continued in raising his street cred by saying that he was perfectly content getting funky at our already existing concert venue Centennial Hall once a month when he attends Orc London's popular 'Jeans & Classics' night.
Polhill ("Please, call me 'Bud',) cemented his commonality with the common man by refering to Motor City mainman, Bob Seger. "No, I will not waffle or flip-flop this time in my opposition to a new Performing Arts Centre. Let me make this very clear - on this issue, I am like Bob Seger in that GM truck commercial, I am Like a Rock."
Polhill ended his press conference by assuming a Yoga position, closing his eyes and repeating his mantra over and over again - "John Cougar Mellencamp,John Cougar Mellencamp."
HELLS ANGELS PISSED OFF AS ALL HELL OVER FORMER BIKER CHICK DATING POLITICIAN.
In a press statement, motorcycle enthusiasts, The Hells Angels* (TM)say that they are "miffed and vexed" at news reports that one of their former ol' ladies is currently dating a Cabinat minister in the Federal Government of Canada.
"Let's just say that we are very, very disappointed in that broad, 'What'sHerName' said One-Eye Joe, spokesman for the group of leather-clad businessmen.
"Doesn't she have any standards? Doesn't she know what scuzzy corrupt criminal slimeballs all politicians are? Geez, where's she been all her life?!?"
"With the exception of Mel Lastman, even we won't have anything to do with them. Good ol' Mel, he's just like us - the last of the Bad Boys. And even HE won't have anything to do with them anymore.
"Think about it, name me one politician other than Mel that you'd like to have a beer or go to a rumble with. Is there even one? Nope. There's NOOOOOOO-BUDDY."
BOY JUMPS OFF AMBASSADOR BRIDGE BECAUSE ALL HIS FRIENDS WERE DOING IT.
Parents are very upset with him and have taken away his allowance for the next two weeks. Boy promises never to do it again.
BRENDA MARTIN RETURNS TO MEXICO
Canadian ex-patriate Brenda Martin, recently released from her hell-hole of a Mexican jail where she was serving time on charges of not bribing the local judicial system has reportedly returned to Mexico on an all-expenses-paid "opportunity" to check out a new time-share condo in Acapulco.
Martin says it was the "no hard-sell/no obligations" promise made by the travel company that cinched the deal for her.
TIM-BIT BUMPS THAMES RIVER OFF FRONT PAGE OF LONDON FREE PRESS.
The firing of a Tim Horton's Donut Shop employee for giving a free piece of a donut to a baby caused unexpected mayhem in the newsroom of the London Free Press when editors were divided over running a picture of the single mother on the front page or go with another pretty colour photograph of the Thames River.
Editor-in-Chief Margaret Atwood Junior won the day by insisting on the rest of "youse guys" letting him make a decision for a change.
In an editorial explaining his decision, Atwood Junior said he did so "Because as a city, and a Creative City too, I might add, 'Tim Hortons' defines us."
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 3:02 AM
12 Comments:
Good work covering all those beats, Sonny.
You've now proven yourself as a quasi-journalist in the grand tradition of Pulitzer Prize winner, Carol (People I'd Like to Blow) Kehoe.
Welcome to the Daily Planet. Your desk is between Clark and Jimmy's next to the window overlooking Central Park.
For every scoop you deliver, you get a thousand dollar bonus and two free-admission tickets to Honey Pot's all-night rub 'n' tug on Hamilton Road.
I'll get rite on it, Chief.
I'll be the best cub-reporter this town has ever seen.
Currently working on a scoop that former Freepers Rob Paynter and Richard Hoffman are going to buy Scene Magazine.
Stay tuned.
Good stuff Sonny.
...and Butch, you are a creep. Not just a run of the mill creep, but a sneaky creep.
Thanks, H.P.
Just ignore Butch. I think he's sweet on you.
A sneaky creep, eh?
Coming from you Honey Pot, that's a compliment of the highest order!
Feel free to shovel a few more my way ... I just love accolades, awards and medals.
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That Honey Pot is SO sassy.
Too bad she smells like mothballs.
Mothballs? Shut your cakehole!
Honey Pot Sugar Scoop has the fragrance of spring flowers ...
... and formeldahyde
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