The Dalton Pixie Returns Again!
It's Family Day here in Ontario - and that can only mean one thing as far as children are concerned. Did the Dalton Pixie come last night and leave them a present?
This is the second Family Day. The first one was last year, courtesy of Premier Dalton McGuinty's election promise the previous fall to give us all an extra day off work if we re-elected him to power. The cynical may think of it as a blatant bribe. And I am a cyncial sort, but I'm not one to look a gift-horse in the ass. I'll gladly take the day off.
As for the still-innocent children of Ontario, they look forward to the yearly visit of the Dalton Pixie.
For those out-of-staters out there, on Family Day, a magical creature called the Dalton Pixie sneaks into homes all over the province while everyone is fast asleep and then picks the pockets of grown-ups and leaves a present for all the good little boys and girls who have not yet reached voting age.
But that Dalton Pixie is a mischievous little imp. He only brings hot air, empty promises and useless gifts. Last year when the Gnut unwrapped the present he found on the kitchen table, he found a can of mushrooms. Gnut doesn't like mushrooms. Won't eat them. Not fresh, not canned and certainly not ones in a tin marked 'Pieces and Stems.'
But I'm proud to say, he took it like a man. "Oh, that Dalton Pixie," he chuckled good-naturedly, "He's done it again!"
This morning, he was up at the crack of dawn, woke us all up and while his mother and I made coffee (accompanied with the traditional Family Day shot of Baileys,) he unwrapped the latest dropping from the Dalton Pixie.
A jar of sliced pickled beets.
Needless to say, Gnut wouldn't eat a pickled beet if it was the last thing in the pantry. No matter how many times you tell him that they're really called 'sweet' beets and loaded with sugar.
Funny thing, though. His mother and I both love pickled beets. Especially first thing in the morning and washed down with an Irish coffee.
Thank you, Dalton Pixie. You've done it again!
posted by Sonny Drysdale at 5:32 AM
10 Comments:
Just researched the stats for any readers wanting to use the Dalton Pixie in any Dungeons and Dragons games. Because you know you want to.
STRENGTH: 8
WISDOM: 2
CHARISMA:0
INTELLIGENCE: 12
CONSTITUTION: 5
DOUCHEBAGGERY: 20
Dalton McGuity's reputation in Tory circles as a Reptillian Kitten Eater is greatly exaggerated.
Dalton's a mighty fine upstanding Ontarian who just happens to look like he should be the night clerk at the Bates Motel.
As long as he takes his meds, he's in no danger whatsoever of cutting anyone's head off with garden clippers.
Anne-Marie tells me that Dalton always chooses the role of the Reptilian Kitten Eater when he's in town and they get together for some D&D action.
KD, you forgot to mention that The Pixie gets a +20 Charis
ma when talking to elderly NPCs from the GTA.
The Dalton Pixie is also the patron fairie of cricket players. But again, only in the GTA.
personally, I think the dalton pixies are much less of a nuisance then the fairies from the far left...but that's just my opinion.
Check out the Spanner billboards by the Barracks. Evil is afoot.
It's part and parcel of the Spanner marketing program.
It's called operation Rip Torn. There's an article about it in Violent Love magazine called "Rip off my clothes if you want to hump me."
Thanks for the tips, boys.
I notice that the new Spanner Girl at Wortley and Stanley has already been spray-painted by some hooligans and miscreants.
It's going to be a full newsletter this month.
Present Daltons, I play the
semi-ac. guit., if you want to, you're welcome, pls., to receive my addr., so that I can of course tell & e.g. help us all find out &, whoever's who, our best answers to, what's a just as good future, greetings, arentved@in.com, there to be continued.
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