Sonny Blogs A-Channel's NewsNow LIVE!!!

Monday, February 26, 2007;

5:55 - Apparently blogging live events is the new big thing in the blogosphere. So I'm going to do that very same thing with the A-Channel's venerable six o'clock newscast. I've heated up some leftover Sunday dinner leftovers and I am pumped!

5:57 - Kitchen break! Already. And the show hasn't even started yet. You know, I personally believe that Kraft Dinner is actually better the second day around but it definitely needs some salsa to kick a little life back into it.

5:59 - Got the remote and have clicked to #9. For some reason, that's always been how to get the best reception for good ol' Channel 10. I am PUMPED! I haven't seen this show for YEARS!

6:00 - Hey, whatthafuk?!? Where's Kate Young? Where's Al McGregor? .... Where's the frickin' newsdesk?!? ... Geez, I don't like the looks of this. Not a good sign at all.

6:01 - Well, from what I heard on the radio today, war has broken out in Switzerland after they dropped bombs on Belgium over some dispute in the chocolate trade. And what does News Now kick off their dinner-hour broadcast with? Entertainment fluff from Hollywood. Good time to go grab a beer to wash this shit down. And the Kraft Dinner too. Ha-ha.

6:04 - Shit, that was the Academy Awards, man! Fuk, I missed it again! This happens every year. You know it would be nice if they ever tried publicizing the event in advance. Hellooooo, Hollywood - ever try using a little hype and self-promotion? It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. Try blowing your own horn once in a while.

6:15 - Boy, the coverage for this thing is almost as long as the frickin' awards ceremony. I have a feeling they just lifted all their coverage from Inside Entertainment. Unless Ryan Seacrest is now working out of London.

6:20 - No real surprises in the winners category. Will Ferrell for Talledaga Nights. Scott Thompson for The Queen and best movie went to Cars. Once again, Clint Eastwood goes home empty-handed.

6:21 - Iranian president Ahmadinejad is threatening to blow Israel and the entire United States off the map. Including the Dominican Republic but excluding Hawaii. Boring! Let's go see what's on Local First News on the cablecast channel. ... Shit, that guy at the news-desk looks like he could be George Clark's dad! Now this is more like it.

6:23 - Sad to report that George Senior informs us that Londoner Paul Haggis did not win any Oscars last night. Not even one. Wow, you just know the knives will be out at the Press Club tonight. Meeeooowww!

6:25 - Back to News Now. Jay Campbell is doing a little "tease" or "stinger" for his upcoming weather report. It's the last days of February in these sub-Arctic environs and Jay is advising us to "Get out the sun-block, it's going to be another hot one tomorrow!" Hey Jay - ya ever hear of a little thing called the wind-chill factor??? The guy gets it wrong everytime. But he's a London icon. Gotta love the Jay-man.

6:27 - Pete James is coming up with sports. I already know the Knights lost on the weekend. Again. No offence to The Godfather but I think I'll go have a shit and get this Kraft Dinner out of my system.

6:45 - Well that feels better. Now what have we got on the news? A five-minute Health and Wellness feature on teenage acne.

6:46 - Hell, I haven't had any zits in a couple of months, let's see what's on the news over at the CBC. Hmmm, President Stephen Harper is ruining the environment and sending underage runaways to serve in the Army in Afghanistan. And was seen kicking the family dog. Figures.

6:50 - well, let's check back in at News Now and see how they are wrapping things up. Apparently with a five-minute Fitness feature on the dangers of binge-eating without a follow-up purging. Vomiting is good for you. Shit, I coulda told you that.

6:51 - may as well head on over to TBS and catch the end of Everyone Loves Raymond.

Ooooh, Happy Anniversary, Happy Anniversary!

Wow, one whole year of Sonny Drysdale Presents!

And they said it would never last.

Actually, I was the one who said it would never last. One year ago today, I was visiting Kid Dork's blog and after having read something about Bizarro Superman versus Bizarro Batman, I just had to respond. But when I tried to leave a rebuttal, I was told I had to be a registered blogger in order to post comments.

And that whole issue of who was better - Supe's or Picard was just so important that I registered and found myself the owner of my own blog. And not knowing what to do with it. To tell you the truth, I never thought of myself as cool enough to host my own blog. Oh, sure leaving one-line smartass comments on someone else's blog, that comes easy. But coming up with something interesting to say on a daily basis, now that's hard. And some day I just might try to do it.

It all started innocently enough, I left my comment re: Kirk vs the Dark Knight on Kid Dork's site and thought that would be the end of it. I didn't really have anything to say on my own blog.

But the next day, Don Knotts died. Well shit, I had to say something.

And the day after that Darrin McGavin died. He stalks the night nevermore.

And that very same weekened Dennis ("McCloud") Weaver died. Within a matter of days, three television icons had died. And their first names all started with the letter 'D' - well, how could I let that one slip by.

And then no one famous died for few days so I made up an obituary for Howard ("Howie") Engelman, the inventor of the concept of slicing egg-salad sandwiches on a diagonal rather than the traditional straight cut. Howie won a Nobel Prize in catering for that groundbreaking innovation. Oh, I made up Howie too.

And that's when it occured to me, you know - I'm starting to like this blogging stuff. This is kinda fun. So I had business cards printed up, began getting my blog name out there in print with some well-placed mentions in ARTscape Magazine. And then Butch at Alt-London linked up to this site. Dan Brown and Jennifer O'Brien mentioned it at the Free Press web-site - and shortly after that offers for advertising started to come in. I didn't accept any (as you may have noticed,) because I don't want The Man dictating to me what I can and can't blog about. Or telling me how to write. Or that I can't grammatically end a sentence with a word like 'about.'

And just as well, because if I did accept advertiser's dollars, they would expect me to blog about their products and services. And I just can't do that. I can't be a shill. I have to blog about the things that are important to me.

Remember the time I blogged about that dead squirrel who laid at the side of the road for weeks until I finally scooped him up with a shovel? Or that time I blogged about James Looney's To-Do List? That was sooo cool. And the time I blogged about the inherent beauty to be found in pulling out a thick pad of dryer-lint from the lint trap?

Wow, memories. ... We sure did have some crazy times, didn't we?

Well, there's no reason that has to end just because I got through an entire year. Seventy-four posted blogs, incidently. That's about 62 more than my number of legitimate actually-published articles for last 12 months.

At this time, I would appreciate it if we could all bow out heads and give thanks and reflect a little upon what each of us might have learned here at SonnyDrysdalePresents.

.... well, how to cut egg-salad sandwiches on a diagonal would be one thing. .... So would never ending a sentence with a word like "about" because it's a prepositon or an adverb or something.

Keep those cards and letters coming. And thanks for visiting.

The Circus is Back in Town!

Lock up your daughters and municipal-tax funds, folks - the Circus is back in town!

Big news that the Shriners - after having decided on Montreal as the site for their new childrens'
hospital a couple of years ago - are getting impatient at that city for dragging its feet in the clean-up of the contaminated proposed site for the hospital and so the head-honcho Shriners are "seriously" thinking of making runner-up London the home of their new $100-million hospital.

Well, fuck me dead Lois, but you coulda knocked me over with a feather at that news. Or as they say in La Belle Provence - "Quel surprise!"

Even when it was 'over' when the Shriners made their final decision at their 2005 convention, local fundraising guy Tony Baloney said, "This isn't over. There's still hope." Of course that's what you would expect to hear from a professional fellatio-master. At this most recent news that the Shriners were still considering London, Tony B. could not be reached for comment - because he was too busy wetting himself with 'excitement.'

Not that there's the slightest chance of this ever happening of course. This is just yet another way for the top-dog Shriner guys to come to town and get some free lunches while they further study the "feasability" of London as a site. And Tony B. isn't alone in the wet panties department - don't you just know Mayor Anne-Marie and all those Chamber of Commerce types will be going out their way when it comes to ass-kissing at this latest wink from the powers-that-be at Shriners Incorporated.

Personally, I say to hell with them. I say we tell 'em "Look, you had your chance to swing with us before and you blew it. We ain't spending another dollar on you freeloading bullshit artists and we don't give a fez. Now take your circus cars full of hot air and camel dung and get out of town. Because this gravy train done left the station."

Now, before I'm accused of being anti-charity or anti-cult or anti-dorky hats, let me put this whole thing into perspective in terms that people can relate to - we've been diddled around enough by these professional cock-teasers.

Consider this scenario - a hot new chick comes to town. You take her out and show her the sights. You wine and dine her. Shortly after, she promises to be your steady. But after you've shared the news with your Mom and all your friends, she informs you that even tho she still likes you, now she wants to see other fellas.

Well, you would feel hurt, cheated and pissed off. Well, that's the way a lot of Londoners felt two years ago at the news that even tho we had been all but promised the new Shriners hospital by that organization's site-selection committee, an international convention of Shriners then decided to reconsider re-vamped bids by Ottawa and Montreal. Because Montreal decided to offer a $5-million donation. It became a bidding war where none existed before. Previously, it had been considered a done-deal that London would be the site.

Going back to my original comparison, that's like asking the prettiest girl in school to be your date for the prom and then the week before the big dance she tells you that she isn't sure she still wants to go with you. She's since had better offers. "Well, you see, Joe Ottawa has a bigger car than you. And Joe Montreal has a bigger wallet than yours. So how 'bout it, Joe London? What do you have to offer?" ... And even tho you have really big feet, it doesn't matter - because you've already been screwed.

No offence to the Shriners as a fine and worthy organization, but have these people no shame? Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned notion that you left the dance with the fella that brought you?

This latest bit of speculation that London might still be in the running - and the inevitable "make us a better offer" nonsense should be met with nothing less than a cold shoulder and an indifferent 'fuck you.' What's on the table is something more important than a $100-million hospital. It's called self-respect. Unfortunately that's a concept this town has never heard of before.

Don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of any charitable group that can raise money for sick kids by wearing cone-shaped hats and curly-toed slippers while driving around in funny little cars - but at what price?

This is hardly the first time this has happened to London. A few years ago, we spent millions on trying to land the 2007 International Junior Hockey Championships. Instead, they were given to Vancouver because they were able to offer a more lucrative deal to the organizers. And again, we were led on and led to believe that we really had a chance - but that we might want to sweeten the pot a little bit first. And so Mayor Anne-Marie and the usual professional fund-raising and Chamber of Commerce types did indeed raise the ante - to the point that if games were awarded to us, we would be paying for them for another decade.

Like this new bit about the Shriners, we should have said right then - "Sorry but we don't do business like that," - and walked away with our pride and dignity intact. Instead, our city council approved a very big guarantee of $$$ to the organizers. Luckily, it wasn't big enough and the games went to Vancouver - a city that has a bigger arena with more seats than London - and had also been just awarded the upcoming Winter Olympics no less. And B.C. taxpayers will be paying them both off for decades.

Good ol' London. ever the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Which is fine with me. It's time this town stopped trying to compete with the big boys and pretending that we're in their league. Because we're not.

You know, sometimes I think the only reason I still live in this hick town is because it's also the home to my few friends and family. But the truth is that everytime I go away, I miss it. And I'm always happy to be back. I like it here.

So instead of trying to be something we aren't (an exciting version of Missisaugua,) we should concentrate and celebrate what we are - the biggest small town in Canada. And one of the best.

Does Montreal have a Wortley Village? No.

Does Montreal have a London Ice Cream Company? No.

Does Montreal have a Nihilist Spasm Band (even tho I can't stand 'em)? No.

Does Montreal have a city bus where the destination is surrealisticly named - Wonderland - ? No.

Does Montreal have a festival for every weekend of the summer?

Noooooooo!

Well then, let the babies have their bottle! We're already the winners. And as soon as London realizes that, it won't be long till they'll be begging us to let them build their hospitals and hold their hockey tournaments here.

Six Things I Love About Me

Normally, I don't like to brag but I was 'tagged' by Crazylegs (of www.theater-of-cruelty.blogspot.com) and due to being IT, I now have to publicly list six 'weird' things about me. But I don't have a weird bone in my whole body, so instead I offer up six slightly odd things about myself. Kinda scary how fast they were to come up with too.

1. I am a social smoker. Normally I don't even like the smell of burning tobacco and God forbid that I ever actually buy a pack but if others are around and if they are smokers and if alcohol is involved, I'm there. Plus I happen to be one of those guys who just looks so darn cool with a cigarette in his hand.

Of course I blame it all on peer group pressure. Specifically, Fred and Barney. To find out why, click on here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_txk5-iiyc

2. I am not a social drinker. But sometimes when I'm lonely and starved for intellectual conversation, I'll put my glasses on the dog so he looks like Mr. Peabody and we have a two-man party in which we exchange long rambling discourses on the plight of modern man in this mechanized ethos ironically called The Forest City.

3. In the front room of my house I have 100 paper snowflakes suspended from the ceiling at various heights. They go up on the first day of winter, December 22 and stay up for three months until the first day of spring. At one end of the room watching over it all is a life-size cardboard stand-up of Edward Scissorhands. I do this both as a form of decorating the house for Christmas and in honor of Edward. Because of Edward, there is snow in my living room for much of the year. Sometimes you can even catch me dancing in it.

4. Even though I'm not a football fan, I celebrate the Superbowl every year with a party. This involves eating huge sums of food out of boxes from the good people at M&M Meatshops - ribs, wings, meatballs and tater-tots for a vegetable. The Superbowl itself, is not watched. Instead we watch whatever I can find which is the furthest thing from a football game. This year it was the movie Xanadu. Last year it was a marathon of Rock Hudson/Doris Day movies.

4. Even though I'm not Chinese, I celebrate the Chinese New Year every February. This involves eating huge portions of of food out of boxes from the good people at M&M Meatshops - egg rolls, garlic pork, teriaki chicken wings, chicken balls, chicken fried-rice and fortune cookies as a vegetable. Followed by a Jackie Chan movie like Crouching Tiger, Sleeping Dagger or Hero.

5. I have a thing for 'Marla' the department-store assistant-manager in the comic-strip Retail. It may be because I like the way she rolls her eyes in frustration at the customers. Or her acerbic sense of humor. Or the way her breasts are drawn.

6. In real life, I pride myself on being one of the most honest, truthful people I know. Face to face, I never lie and normally, you can take my word for anything I say. But stick a pen in my hand or let me behind the keyboard of this blog and I become a compulsive liar. Here or elsewhere, when you see a post by 'Sonny Drysdale,' there's a good chance none of it is true. Honestly.

And the Winner is ... Jack Black!

When the Academy Awards are handed out on February 25th, I predict that this will finally be Jack Black's year.

Not only is he up for an Oscar in the Best Actor category for both Nacho Libre and Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny - but his Best Supporting Actor Nomination for Holiday makes him a triple threat.

I may be going out on a limb here but my gut tells me that he'll be awarded the Oscar for his work in Nacho Libre. For one thing, despite Tenacious D's aspirations to be any epic quest film, it's really a rock movie - and the Academy is still full of aging voters who have never gotten over what happened to musicals after Elvis started making pictures.

As for Best Supporting Actor, as believable as Black was as Kate Winslet's love interest in the romantic comedy, Holiday, industry buzz has it that Andy Dick will pick up the coveted gold statue for his scene-stealing turn as 007's wacky sidekick "Billy Bond" in Casino Royale.

Nope, this is going to be the year that Nacho Libre sweeps the Oscars - not just for Black as star and producer of what will be named Best Movie of 2006, but also for writer-director Jared Hess and writer-producer Mike White (who also worked with Black on 2003's School of Rock.)

Part of the reason for the Nacho landslide can be attributed to the latent guilt on the Academy's part for their deliberate snub a couple of years ago of Hess' indie film, Napoleon Dynamite, which was a box-office smash.

However, if there's one thing Hollywood likes more than a box-office hit, it is to acknowledge a young actor who makes the conscious decision to pattern his career after an industry icon. Hence, Black's long-awaited Oscar.

Think about his three most famous roles to date - the overweight eternally-losing Mexican wrestler "Nacho Libre"; the chubby going-nowhere heavy-metal wannabe "J.B." in Tenacious D; and the chunky down-and-out guitar hero "Dewey Finn" who gets kicked out of his own band in School of Rock.

Story-wise, these three movies follow the same formula - a chubby sad-sack braggart blowhard becomes a hero, is revealed as a fake and then has to redeem himself by overcoming his huge ego.

Sound familiar? Well, substitute "chubby blowhard" with "meek mild stringbean" and "huge ego" with "overcome his fears," and what have you got? Why, the films of screen legend Don Knotts, of course!

During the mid-1960s, with films like The Ghost and Mr. Chicken; The Love God and The Reluctant Astronaut, the late Knotts single-handedly saved Universal Studios from bankruptcy. The Academy doesn't forget that sort of thing and that's why they appreciate Black's touching "homage" to Knotts' contribution to the industry.

But it doesn't end there. Black has also made efforts to avoid typecasting by taking on dramatic darker roles. His sensitive portrayal of villain "Carl Denham" in King Kong was not unlike when Knotts surprised the world by going against type with his courageous interpretation of "Albert Speer" in the 1969 art-house flick, Hitler's Architech and the French Farmgirl.

Still, like his career role-model, Black knows the kind of character we want to see him play and what side his bread is buttered on. His big film for 2008 is DreamWorks' computer-generated animation film, Kung-Fu Panda.

Listen to this plot summary found on imdb.com - "A lazy, irreverent slacker panda (voiced by Jack Black) must somehow become a Kung-Fu Master to save the Valley of Peace from a villainous snow leopard. He ultimately does so by learning that if he believes in himself, he can do anything.

That sounds almost like the same plot as Knotts' animated/live-action classic, The Incredible Mr. Limpet from 1965 in which a reluctant Knotts is transformed into a fish and saves the United States' eastern coastline from Nazi submarines during World War Two.

If we're lucky, fans might also get a chance to hear Black do what Knotts did best in Mr. Limpet - sing!

Jack Black - he's the Don Knotts of the new millenium. And it's about time he won that Academy Award and brought home the hardware.