It Just Never Ends

See what they have done? Look at what they have done to my Spanner Girl. Again. And again.

It wasn't enough to tear down an entire billboard devoted to the Spanner Girl this past fall and leave her ripped and scattered in pieces upon the ground.

This time, they have actually scaled the heights of the billboard and attacked her in her own home.

It has to be a pretty sick individual who hates the Spanner Girl and what she represents so much that they would go to all the trouble of climbing up onto a billboard platform twenty feet off the ground and then start tearing away at the very fabric of her stylish yet sensible and affordable winter outer-wear.

Not only that - but to do it TWICE!

The top photo is of the Spanner Girl at Springbank and Wharncliffe. The second photo is of the Ridout and York Street billboard.

Spanner Girl News Monthly, a newsletter published twelve times annually by the Sonny Drysdale Media Empire, is investigating the fact that both defacings have occured at billboards located right next to the train tracks.

S.G.N.M. has gone on record in pointing out that the site of the original Spanner Girl billboard violence - in which the entire billboard was ripped down and vandalized - was at the corner of Wortley and Stanley Street, mere yards from the CN railway line.

Due to the coincidental nature of the earlier attack and its proximity to the train tracks, S.G.N.M. investigators are considering the possiblility of the perpetrator being a transient (a.k.a. 'hobo') or a commuter who regularly travels the Windsor-London rail corridor.

Either that or someone who happens to live in central London and is just jealous of the Spanner Girl.

Sign of the Time

Just so you know, I'm thinking of changing the name of this blog to 'Sonny Drysdale Present.'

As in "All present and accounted for, Sir!"

I'm taking my cue from the current Loblaw advertising flyer - which, judging by the banner, is no longer called 'Loblaws' but is now just simply 'Loblaw.' A sighting of the store at Wonderland and Southdale confirms that this is no mere typo but an actual name change for the supermarket chain we have long thought of as one of Ron Loblaw's grocery stores.

I can't say I blame them for this cost-cutting move in these depressed economic times. By dropping the 'S' from the end of the name will save hundreds of dollars nationwide if only from the electricity bill for the outdoor signs alone.

But I, too, am considering jumping on this 'environmental' bandwagon just because of the amount of money to be saved by dropping the last letter from any registered trademarked name.

People don't realize it but it can be expensive having a name of more than two syllables. They don't understand that by dropping the last letter can save you big bucks in the long run.

Take Loblaws for example - by dropping the 's' they will be saving money on all the ink used in their flyers and newspaper advertising and billboards. And that can translate into big savings in the type-setting department as well as the licencing fees paid to 'Logo' firms who charge by the letter - or 'character' as they say in the publishing world.

Oh, sure - it's just one letter - but multiply that by the thousands of flyers that are delivered throughout Canada.

I imagine that television and radio advertising won't be affected by this 're-branding' - other than script-changes to Galen Weston's copy.

However, long after this bastardization of founder Ron Loblaw's original name into a more less possessive label, the reality is that for years, people will still be calling it 'Loblaws.'

Now that I think of it, oh what the heck? People have been calling this blog 'Sonny Drysdale Presents' for the past two years, so why fix it if it ain't broken? And that's a question Ron Loblaw might want to bring up at the next share-holders' meeting.

She Lives!

Spanner Girl Sightings -

1.) Fifteen feet off ground - vertical billboard - corner of Ridout and York, before the train tracks facing York Street.

2.) Same height as #1 location, relatively the same latitude and longitude, but at the corner of Springbank and Wharncliffe - facing Wharncliffe. Again, next to the train tracks.

3.) Possible sighting, not yet confirmed at York Street and Wellington, across from the Convention Centre. Facing York. Also close to the tracks.

There are other Spanner billboards about town but do not be fooled. THIS is THE Spanner Girl.

In related Spanner Girl news, a lot of you have written in lately to my Spanner Girl Newsletter, "Spanner Girl News Monthly," asking if they can purchase my poem, 'Ode to the Spanner Girl,' in any volume of contemporary verse. Or perhaps in a 'chap-book' format.

Sadly, at press time, the answer is 'No.' More specifically, "Thank you for considering us as a publisher for your interesting poem but it currently does not meet our needs and editorial direction. We wish you the best of luck in finding a more suitable publisher for your poetry."

I've got a whole desk-drawer full of those letters. No one in Corporate Verse-Publishing seems interested in the Spanner Girl. Or in 'Beauty' or 'Truth' for that matter.

Luckily, I'm not in it for the money anyway. So here it is again. I don't mind giving it away for free. Anything to help spead the word about the Spanner Girl and her mission to promote stylish clothing and accessories - at affordable prices.

Ode to the Spanner Girl, by Sonny Drysdale

O Spanner Girl,
Up there on your billboard throne,
You look so serious.
Are you sad? Are you glum?
Why so melancholy as you look down
At us mere mortals
From Mount Olympus?

Are you in prison up there?
Is it awful up there?
Is it like Rapunzel-awful?

If only you would let down your hair,
I could be a brave passing knight,
Climb your long tresses,
And save you.
But how would we get down?
Alas, I cannot save you.
Not with your hair cut in
That fashionable bob.

O Spanner Girl
Just say the word.
And I shall leap like a trout
From a stream
To rescue you.
I will if you want me to.
But where would we go for lunch?

Two Minute Penalty for Thinking

I don't see what the big deal is about this John Tavaris guy being traded to the London Knights.

Last night was his first game as a Knight and even though London won the game 6 to 1, Tavaris didn't even score a goal. Not even an assist from what I read in the paper. Maybe it was out of loyalty to the the opposing team - which just happened to be the team he was traded from the day before - the Oshawa Generals. But even still, you wonder - if the Knights can win a game by five goals, do they really need this kid?

I understand that when he played for the Generals, he scored lots of goals. But then, just how hard can that be? You take a puck and you shoot it at the net and you aim for one of the spots that the goalie isn't blocking. I bet you that if me and John Tavaris set up a goalie net in my driveway and had a shooting contest, I could get the ball in the net just as many times as him. Maybe even more because I'm older and he's only an 18-year-old kid.

There's nothing too difficult about scoring goals in hockey. I'll grant you that it's not as easy as baseball though. Think about it - a pitcher lobs a baseball RIGHT TO YOU and you hit it with a big fat stick. How hard can that be? And they pay some baseball players over a million dollars for that. Geez, my ten-year-old kid in Little League could do that.

I don't know how much the London Knights paid in the trade to get Tavaris. But it's too late in the season for him to bond with the team and help them win a Memorial Cup in the playoffs. Maybe if he goes to their summer camp and does good at training camp in the fall, he might be able to help the Knights bring home the gold next season but I can't see it happening this year.

So it makes me wonder. Couldn't Knights management have found better a better use with all that trade money? With Orchestra London screaming for cash, couldn't the owners of the Knights make them a donation instead with all those thousands they likely paid for Tavaris?

Or even better yet, hire the Orchestra to play at the hockey arena during games and get the crowd going during lulls in the action. They don't have a pipe-organ down there and a symphony could really lift everyone's spirits by playing those "du-du-du-dun-ta-da" and "dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun" songs that the organ guy used to play at Maple Leaf Gardens.

And that's my sports rap for this week.

My Rezoom

Seems I've been 'tagged' by fellow blogger Jim Dandy David. I don't know how to link to him, so what you do is go to my latest post right below you for 'Catch-phrase of the Year,' click on comments and then click on David's highlighted 'tag.' And it will take you to his challenge to list all of the lame paying jobs you have held over the years.

Now first off, I don't think there is such a thing as a shitty job. Even when I rode shotgun in a Dutch Laundry truck, although I hated every day, every hour, every minute, every second, every nanosecond of it, I kept telling myself, "It builds character, man. It builds character."

And that's what has got me through some interesting twists and turns on the career path until I ended up where I am today. Every time I come back to work after a weekend or a vacation, I don't have that usual Sunday night dread like other people. You know, that soul-sucking despair which begins to seep into your bones sometime about 7:30 on a Saturday night.

Because I sincerely believe that I have the best job in the world. I play the role of 'Uncle Charlie' from 'My Three Sons' in a group home. I've waited all my life for a job like this. As far as I'm concerned, I'm the luckiest boy in the world. In fact, even though my union won't allow me to, I'd be willing to do it for free. Lord knows, the job itself is reward enough.

But even the Dutch Laundry job offered something. Like a discount on dry-cleaning.

Anyway, here's my list of all the paying jobs I have held over the years. But to make it more fun, I have included one which I just made up. See if you can guess which one it is. The winner may be eligible for a prize!

Cabana boy for Cleopatra on the Nile in a previous life.

An alternate swordsman in the Four Musketeers in 17th century France in a past life. Viva l' egalitay!

Co-inventor of Smith Brothers cough drops in a previous life.

Played a Shakespearean sex-slave named 'Romeo' to Taylor Swift's married 'Juliet' in a previous life. Hence her being branded with the Scarlet Letter.

Was the horse who provided the voice of 'Mr. Ed,' the popular 1960s 'dramedy' of the same name. This too was in a past life.

Bag boy in a previous life for the Corleone Family.

Bag boy for N&D Grocery in Windsor, Ont. part-time after school in this life.

Freelance essay writer in last two years of high-school for anyone who could pony up a $5 bill.

Junior Forest Ranger on Lake Hobon, two hours north of Wawa. This was during my 'Back to Nature' period. Spent the summer pulling stumps and swatting black flies for room and board and $200 at the end.

Summer job filling sandbags in Belle River, in preparation for the annual spring flooding of the Detroit River. This was during my 'I'm all about the Environment' period.

Just like Crazy Legs, sought donations and ticket sales over the phone for 'charitable' concerts - this one starring Tommy Cash, George Hamilton IV and Jeanie Shepherd (?).

Later went legit and solicited subscriptions to the Globe and Mail over the phone.

During summers while attending University, worked as a driver's helper for Dutch Laundry. Also known as Jarmains Cleaners and Forest City Linen Supply. The logo on the truck was a beloved image of hanging laundry flapping in the breeze. In this case, three bedsheets. Just what you want to see when you are on the 401 - a big white truck bearing down on your ass with a visual warning that the driver might be "three sheets to the wind."

Spent another summer as a 'Biographical Researcher' for the London Regional Art Gallery back when the Art Gallery was located upstairs of the Downtown Library back when the library was on Queens Ave. Did a lot of photocopying on what was then called a "Xerox" machine. Looked at a bunch of paintings and tried unsuccessfully to understand even one sentence in 'Arts Canada.'

After obtaining a BA in English Literature and unable to obtain a job in my chosen field, I spent a lost year as a member of the French Foreign Legion.

After that I lived like a young rajah in all the capitals of Europe - Paris, Venice, Rome - collecting jewels, chiefly rubies, hunting big game, painting a little - things for myself only. And trying to forget something very sad that had happened to me long ago.

Back Stateside, I worked a year for the School of Journalism at U.W.O. in 1980 for a project called 'Westex News.' We re-wrote farm news from the CP Wire and then sent them out to the home computers of wealthy farmers in Manitoba via a device called a "modem." Our crack staff of three were pioneers on the information highway. We were wired before Al Gore even claimed the idea for what is now commonly known as 'The Innernet.'

After that, wrote for various publications on a variety of subjects as long as they were about Dark Shadows, David Lynch, The Andy Griffith Show, 63 Monroe or chicks and eventually ended up in the group-home game.

Wrote a book called 'Comical Co-Stars of Television' which is currently on the million-seller list on Amazon. Meaning it is ranked one million from #1.

GOALS FOR THE FUTURE - hosting my own syndicated fishing show on the television.